August 16, 2005
Fantastic Roger Ebert Quote about Deuce Bigalow. READ THIS!
One thing you've gotta hand to Roger Ebert... the man isn't afraid to throw his weight around and to hell with what anyone else thinks. Well now he's using that weight to smack Rob Schneider upside the proverbial head.
Over in his review site, Ebert reviews Deuce Bigalow European Gigalo... and decided to take Schneider down a couple of notches too in one of the BEST film critic quotes I have ever read in my life!!!!! I'm going to quote it here at length because it's just that worth it!
READ THIS ENTIRE QUOTE! The punchline is the last paragraph... but you've got to read the rest first to really get it. Here it is
The movie created a spot of controversy last February. According to a story by Larry Carroll of MTV News, Rob Schneider took offense when Patrick Goldstein of the Los Angeles Times listed this year's Best Picture Nominees and wrote that they were "ignored, unloved and turned down flat by most of the same studios that ... bankroll hundreds of sequels, including a follow-up to 'Deuce Bigalow: Male Gigolo,' a film that was sadly overlooked at Oscar time because apparently nobody had the foresight to invent a category for Best Running Penis Joke Delivered by a Third-Rate Comic."Oh BURN!!! Total BURN!!! That was totally brilliant! Man, I don't always agree with Ebert's reviews... but the man is awesome! I've read that thing like 4 times already and it just gets funnier everytime!Schneider retaliated by attacking Goldstein in full-page ads in Daily Variety and the Hollywood Reporter. In an open letter to Goldstein, Schneider wrote: "Well, Mr. Goldstein, I decided to do some research to find out what awards you have won. I went online and found that you have won nothing. Absolutely nothing. No journalistic awards of any kind ... Maybe you didn't win a Pulitzer Prize because they haven't invented a category for Best Third-Rate, Unfunny Pompous Reporter Who's Never Been Acknowledged by His Peers."
Reading this, I was about to observe that Schneider can dish it out but he can't take it. Then I found he's not so good at dishing it out, either. I went online and found that Patrick Goldstein has won a National Headliner Award, a Los Angeles Press Club Award, a RockCritics.com award, and the Publicists' Guild award for lifetime achievement.
Schneider was nominated for a 2000 Razzie Award for Worst Supporting Actor, but lost to Jar-Jar Binks.
But Schneider is correct, and Patrick Goldstein has not yet won a Pulitzer Prize. Therefore, Goldstein is not qualified to complain that Columbia financed "Deuce Bigalow: European Gigolo" while passing on the opportunity to participate in "Million Dollar Baby," "Ray," "The Aviator," "Sideways" and "Finding Neverland." As chance would have it, I have won the Pulitzer Prize, and so I am qualified. Speaking in my official capacity as a Pulitzer Prize winner, Mr. Schneider, your movie sucks.
Posted by John Campea at August 16, 2005 11:19 AM
Comments
Posted by: Kristina at August 16, 2005 12:23
At least we get something out of a movie like this: an awesome review. Ebert is the man!
Posted by: ThS at August 16, 2005 13:24
I agree, John. That. Was. Awesome. Every time I look at that stupid poster for that movie I just shake my head. Thankfully I was spared from seeing the trailer till just recently - wow that sucks!
Posted by: trysop at August 16, 2005 13:34
Ebert's a mushroom cloud laying motherf*cker, motherf*cker.
Posted by: Joseph Simmons at August 16, 2005 15:11
This ranks up there with Ebert's classic "North" review.
("I hated this movie. I hated this movie....")
Posted by: darren seeley at August 16, 2005 15:32
It's doesn't take an expert to figure out the utter idiocy of Rob Schneider's movies like "The Animal", and in this case Deuce Bigalow. But the interesting thing is how Goldstein and Ebert bring out the "brains" behind the movies. It's laughable that Schneider even wants respect at all, taking full page ads out like that. Ebert's followup was super!
I also like how he said, " 'Deuce Bigalow' is aggressively bad, as if it wants to cause suffering to the audience. The best thing about it is that it runs for only 75 minutes. "
Posted by: Brooksilver at August 16, 2005 18:39
Ebert kicks ass.
Posted by: Alfredo at August 16, 2005 19:28
When these god awful films are released it is always fun to read the critic's pain. Ebert's review is brilliant
Posted by: Herby at August 16, 2005 19:43
as if this will stop the behemoth that is-
duce bigalow 3.
wishful thinking.
it doesnt need to be said that there are so many great works out there that
should be done on film that are not, but crap like this does, and actually
gets distributed into theaters.
oh, and yeah, way to go rob schneider for sticking up for your turds.
Posted by: bond, james bond at August 16, 2005 21:19
I haven't seen European Gigolo but I did watch the trailer. It looks kinda stupid indeed. Anyway I'm not going to give comment about a movie that I haven't watched. What I want to point out is I did watch the 1st Male Gigolo and I would say it was a great funny movie. Many of my friends (males and females) watched it and loved it!
If you think Male Gigolo is stupid, then think about shitty American Pie Iⅈ, which I feel those are really total rubbish catering only for the morons!
I find Rob Schneider a fine, if not great, comedian. While most actors (eg, Will Smith) are trying hard to act cool on screen, he is not afraid to act loser in his films.
Just pass it if you don't like the movie or Rob Schneider. If you want to criticize, there are in fact enough other crappy movies for you to pick. Sadly, these crappy movies were earning much money or/and credit!
Posted by: steelben at August 16, 2005 22:34
Sooooo Columbia passed on some of the best movies I have seen this year (and if i'm not mistaken, each film made a lot of money) but they greenlit a sequel to Duece Bigalow?
Unreal.
Ebert's review was brilliant. I read it twice and each time, my mouth was agape in total surprise at what Ebert had to say. Wow, what a great review!
Posted by: diskjokk at August 16, 2005 23:37
I liked the first "Deuce Bigalow". It was one funny movie. Especially if compared with the rubbish "American Pie" movies or (for example) Danny de Vito's "Duplex" (which I recently seen and totally hated). Then came "The Animal", which was a bad one. Then "The Hot Chick", which was terrible. And after seeing the trailer and reading the reviews to "European Gigolo", I won't even bother seeing it.
I also find Rob Schneider a good comedian (he was pretty good in the Adam Sandler movies also), but lately the movies where he's the main lead are crap. He needs to choose better directors and scripts, change agent or something.
Posted by: T-Jax at August 17, 2005 05:15
I read the review when it first came out and told a bunch of my friends about it. It was a brilliant piece of writing by Ebert. I look forward to Schneider's next full page ad. LOL
Posted by: John N at August 17, 2005 09:12
i wouldn't be so quick to jump on the ebert boat. overall i enjoy his reviews but sometimes he gives some passing grades to some truly subpar movies.
Posted by: bigwig at August 17, 2005 22:02
Agreed, The Animal wasn't academy quality and Deuce Bigalow was corny (I watch it for that fact alone), but why should Ebert or some other ass be applauded for criticizing someone's work? It's like the school yard bully smashing some nerd in the face; entertaining for a moment, but just sad over all. How hard is it to pick on Deuce Bigalow for crying out loud?
Posted by: Drew at August 18, 2005 20:39
Damn, Ebert's a pimp!