January 03, 2005
The Movie Blog's 10 Worst Films of 2004
Ok, I decided to actually wait until the start of the New Year to put up my list of worst films of 2004. The most beautiful thing about film is the pure subjectivity of it, some I'm sure some of you out there may have one of these films on your favorite lists. Good for you, here's hoping you seek some serious counselling this new year! On with the list:
#10) The Village - I wanted to like this movie so much. The marketing of the film was nothing short of brilliant. Even after the film was over I tried to convince myself that I liked it... even now it pains me to put it on this list... alas I must. The film failed on so many different levels it's difficult to know where to begin. The best way I can put it is that the movie appeared to believe too much in it's own hype and had a "surprise" ending that many of us saw coming weeks before we ever set foot in the theatre. Not only is it one of my worst films of the year, but it's my second biggest disappointment of the year as well.
#9) Alexander - A film that had so much hype surrounding it before it's release... unfortunately the hype was for all the wrong reasons. In the end, it didn't matter if Alexander was gay or not... because it was just a horrible movie.
#8) Welcome to Mooseport - Apparently not everyone loves Raymond. You'd think with Gene Hackman in it some sort of redeeming quality could be found in this film... not a chance. This movie was so bad that not even Robin Williams with Al Pachino could have saved it. Oh man this was a bad movie.
#7) Soul Plane - Oh hey look! This is original. A hip-hop culture comedy that replay gags from a hundred other film and suckles at the tite of stereotypes for all it's attempts at humour. If you're going to do that, at least try to make me laugh... oh... you WERE trying?!?! Could have fooled me.
#6) Resident Evil: Apocalypse - I don't care if you do like the games, I don't care if the girl is hot and some (I stress SOME) of the visual effects were slick. This movie SUCKED. It's rare that I check my watch repeatedly during a movie. I must have checked mine 30 times in this one.
#5) Troy - This is another one that I really wanted to like. Great filmmaker, great cast, great material, great balls of fire this movie was bad. I think I even wrote an "ok at best" review for it after seeing it the first time... but then I made the mistake of seeing it again and realized this was a failed project. Eric Banna's performance as Prince Hector is the only thing that keeps Troy from sinking even lower on this list.
#4) The Whole Ten Yards - I LOVED The Whole NINE Yards. Imagine my devastation after walking out of this pile of garbage. Why did they even bother. Don't hold your breath for The Whole Ocean's Eleven Yards.
#3) Blade Trinity - In my review for Blade Trinity I said it wasn't one of the worst films of the year. Upon reflection... YES IT WAS. Within about 4 minutes of the horrible opening credits I was visibly angry at how they ruined this franchise. A bad film on almost every level. Gag, my stomach hurts just thinking about it.
#2) White Chicks - Wow, there are so many things wrong with this film it's pointless to even go into it. A premise that's been done (much better thank you) literally 6 or 7 times before with all the stereotype humour and underlying racism you can pack into a bad night at the movies. This movie wasn't funny bad... it was bad bad. A big Christmas fruit cake of crap.
#1) Catwoman - I started planning this list the moment I walked out of the theatre. Catwoman does not only top my list as worst film of the year, but is easily the worst film Hollywood has unleashed on us unsuspecting masses since Battlefield Earth. There is nothing redeeming about this movie. The acting was terrible, the direction was an total joke, the visual effects came via 1999, the dialog was the MOST PAINFUL I'VE EVER HEARD IN A MOVIE, the plot was laughable... seriously folks, I put Catwoman in my top 5 Worst films ever made list. It really is that bad. If you hate yourself, try renting Battlefield Earth, Dr. T and the Women and Catwoman and watch them all in one night. Wow.
Some others need to be be dishonorably mentioned here as well
- New York Minute
- Garfield
- The Girl Next Door
- Envy
- King Arthur
- Paparazzi
So there you have it folks, my personal list-O-crap for 2004
Posted by John Campea at January 3, 2005 09:01 AM
Comments
Posted by: miles at January 3, 2005 09:06 AM
I actually didn't mind AVP or I, Robot. Both could have been better... but they were ok.
Posted by: John Campea at January 3, 2005 09:17 AM
Yes AVP was at least thought out, except for the human Perditor team up at the end, but hey it was still pretty bad ass. I have yet to see Blade3, but that is mostly due to the bad rep, I figure I will just catch it on DVD. Ass for you list John, I must say I agree completly. For the past month or so you have gained a new fan in me, and now that I see that I can respect even your hated movies, I look forward to future readings. Usually I think low of most reviewers.
Posted by: Brad at January 3, 2005 09:25 AM
Wooaaaa there. I'm so happy with the list apart from The Village. I actually really enjoyed it, so what if you guessed the ending before you got there? That goes for about 99.99% of all movies nowadays.
What was different here was that most people wanted a surprise ending because of what had come before on Shine-a-lights career. Knowing what the big surprise was didn't ruin this movie for me, I thought it still had a couple of excellent performances and a very good storyline. It was really enjoyable, it just didn't fit the framework of the previous movies and that doesn't make it bad.
Oh, and as for the rest, spot on!
Posted by: Richard at January 3, 2005 09:51 AM
completely off topic but:
did anyone else find the blind chick from the village ridiculously good looking?
god, i think i am in love
Posted by: miles at January 3, 2005 10:19 AM
I pretty much agree with John, but there is a difference between putting films that should have done better (looking and the creative talent, the production means, the marketing, ..) - like: Catwoman, Alexander, Troy, The Village, ... And films that you didn't really expected to do good in the first place (made with small potatoes and a production office that just wanted to make money) - like: Welcome to Moosport, Soul Plane, White Chicks,...
In this perspective, a movie like The Village,
- made with $60M dollars,
- with a wonderful cast (Joaquin Phoenix, Adrien Brody, William Hurt and Sigourney Weaver - Hell ! Even George Lucas could get great performances out of these talented actors) – alas, they didn’t do more that just looking dead,
- photographed by Roger Deakins, did was he was asked to do.
- music by James Newton Howard, who was too obvious and too present
But where was the director??? Too busy trying to pass himself as the next Hitchcock, instead of giving us some real dramatic conflicts, evolving and meaningful story twists or a remotely interesting perspective (Even the children’s book, "Running Out of Time", on which the film was based, had more social-political context than this poor excuse for a movie).
No, for me, Night was Falling over this one.
Posted by: Darko at January 3, 2005 11:01 AM
The only one on the list I saw was Troy. I was skeptical about that one, too, but had a friend talk me into seeing it. No, really. None of the others on the top 10 even looked good on the trailers which are supposed to contain the best parts of the film. If they cannot entertain me for 2 minutes, then why waste 2-3 hours of my life? Also, I must add The Forgotten in the dishonorable mentions just for the horrible ending.
Posted by: David at January 3, 2005 12:04 PM
ONLY ten? Jesus this was one of the WORST movie year's in history. You could compiled a "top 100" list.
Posted by: Mark at January 3, 2005 04:07 PM
What about Van Helsing? That was a gigantic suckfest. Terrible script. Terrible acting. Terrible direction. About the only thing it had going for it was art direction -- the sets looked pretty cool.
Posted by: CD at January 3, 2005 04:11 PM
Mark, I think we should accept your challenge...
I add Napoleon Dynamite and The Passion to the list.
Posted by: Franklin at January 3, 2005 04:48 PM
*cough* Surviving Christmas *cough*
John, John, John... tsk-tsk. You could have at least thrown up an interactive poll so we could have voted, or at least asked us for submissions. And don't give me any of that, "But, Lilly, honey-sweetie-baby, it's *my* list not the movie blog readers'."
Posted by: Lilly at January 3, 2005 06:19 PM
Obviously I'm the only person here to have seen Anatomy of Hell, which only proves Hollywood doesn't have the monopoly on bad movie-making. Although, to be sure, it was an entirely different order or bad movie-making to the films on the above list...
Posted by: James Russell at January 4, 2005 01:22 AM
Baby Geniuses II
Posted by: Mark at January 4, 2005 01:44 AM
The only ones i saw in your list i liked Resident Evil Apocalypse, Troy and Blade Trinity.
I want to see The Village, Alexander, Soul Plane and The Whole Ten Yards (only want to see it because i really liked the first)
Out of the dishonourable mentions i liked King Arthur and thought The Girl Next Door was the funniest movie ever.
Posted by: Chris Rushworth at January 4, 2005 05:19 AM
I pretty much agree with your list, minus one, "The Girl Next Door". I really liked the film, considering the theater where I saw it was misalined. I waited five minutes hoping the projectionist would fix the screen; only the bottom half was showing. Ended up going to the concession stand to complain. Anyhow, my only real beef with the movie is that it wasn't long enough.
Posted by: JohnIan at January 4, 2005 05:55 AM
Four words: The Day After Tomorrow.
Posted by: Anni at January 4, 2005 06:08 AM
I loved that movie, Anni!
Posted by: Lilly at January 4, 2005 10:09 AM
I count myself lucky that the only film I saw from your list is Troy and I actually liked it. Not sure why though which is worrying, but did enjoy it. Didnt blow me away, and I'm not rushing to watch it again (may wait for a future xmas or easter television showing). I do agree with some of the comments above, last year was not a very strong year for film fan. I hardly see any films at the cinema last year (maybe 5 or 6) because not many films jumped out as worth the entrance fee. I thought it better to wait for DVD and hire release. Now with most of them, cannot even be bothered to hire! I do think a list of average to bad films of 2004 would be longer than a list of good to great films. Can anyone see 2005 being better?
Posted by: David Terry at January 4, 2005 11:13 AM
hahaha, i love in the day after tomorrow when the cold is chasing them down the hall...hahahahha, hilarious.
and it is shot fomr the cold air's perspective, one of the funniest scenes ever.
Posted by: miles at January 4, 2005 12:05 PM
Hey man, I love Resident Evil Apocalypse a whole lot. It's a great movie. As for the other shitty films, you can keep them all.
Posted by: Anthony at January 8, 2005 04:28 PM
wow i am batting 1000! i didn't see any of these movies. The trailer for garfield gave me a headache and really the only films worth seeing this year was farenheight, supersize me, and love actually.
Posted by: johnny at January 15, 2005 10:46 PM
You should have "Christmas with the Kranks" in the worst 10 list. Room has to be made for it somewhere. Perhaps exchange it with "The Village."
Posted by: Glenn Atias at January 24, 2005 07:02 PM
Napoleon Dinamite should be on the list
Posted by: Patrick at January 30, 2005 10:47 PM
the village is a terrible movie
what is up?
slow, boring and dumb!
and none of these villageres are armed?
can't take place in America, were fighters, dugh
Posted by: Kevin at February 19, 2005 09:21 PM
the village is the worst movie ever....
they must be smoking crack to make such a crappy movie....
how did it ever make it to production????????????????????????????????
????????????????????????????
Posted by: kevin at February 19, 2005 10:01 PM
it's funny, blade trinity and resident evil were two of my favourite movies of this year!
i'm just glad you did not put i, robot or alien versus predator up there, both works of cinematic gold.