We Are Really Screwed
20 years from now, when China wipes North American culture off the face of the earth and no one misses it in the least, historians will discuss the question of notable events in the downfall of western culture and what event truly marked the beginning of the end. What moment stood out above any other and really shouted “Our society is hopelessly lost”? Without question, those future historians will look back on January of 2008 and in one united voice proclaim that the unmistakable sign of how pathetic North America and its people had really become… was the day those people flocked out like sheep to the buzz clippers to see “Meet The Spartans” and made it the #1 movie at the box office. Yes… even beating out Rambo.
“That…” they’ll say, “… is when we really knew we were fucked”.
I’m one of those people who tries his best to be an optimist when it comes to the basic ideas of human goodness and intelligence. My philosophy has changed overnight.
What makes matters even worse, as my colleague Brad over at RopeofSilicon points out, is that in just one weekend, at over $18 million dollars, Meet The Spartans made more money than the entire theatrical run of these far superior films:
* Into the Wild ($17,760,235)
* Eastern Promises ($17,266,000)
* There Will be Blood ($14,764,000)
* The Diving Bell and the Butterfly ($3,135,000)
* The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford ($3,897,691)
* The Kite Runner ($13,873,000)
* Once ($9,439,923)
So long. And thanks for all the fish.
1. Brian replies at 28th January 2008, 6:21 am :
Popularity is never an indicator of quality…
2. Herby replies at 28th January 2008, 6:31 am :
52% of Americans do not believe in evolution.
25% of Americans belive the Earth is only 6000 (give or take) years old.
George W. Bush was elected President of the United States twice.
Nah! This news does not suprise me.
3. Kinoo replies at 28th January 2008, 6:39 am :
This is scary news indeed !
4. Dany replies at 28th January 2008, 6:43 am :
good comedys are getting rare and with the support of movies like this it won’t getting better. so thank you north america ;) :D
5. DONALD replies at 28th January 2008, 6:46 am :
I know this isn’t a politics blog but does anyone else see a direct correlation between these stats and the current front runners in the US elections? Funny enough, Sean Penn (director of Into the Wild) was hard core Kucinnich (which I am not, so it is not an ad for the candidate).
6. TipTop replies at 28th January 2008, 6:46 am :
Brilliant use of a Hitchhiker’s quote at the end of the post mate!
7. The Jim Walker replies at 28th January 2008, 7:04 am :
As we all say around the MB… if Hollywood makes crap and we reward them with 20 mil opening weekend and 100 mil total, then guess what… they will continue making us crap.
PS - Herby, great comment! I was laughing out loud, then i stopped because i realized that it was true! (Like when i first watched the doc, “Jesus Camp”.)
8. Steve L. replies at 28th January 2008, 7:42 am :
Even though this news is reason to find shelter don’t you take into affect that “Meet the Spartans” had more marketing behind it than the titles you listed John? My god, the second I saw the whole Britney shaving her head holding a baby only to be kicked into the ring of death I knew this movie was just going to be the lowest of lows. I’m glad I didn’t waste my money nor will I in the future, even on DVD to watch this movie.
But don’t you have to give some credit to the producers because somehow their shithole of a movie was marketed well enough to get that number one spot this weekend over Rambo.
9. bryan replies at 28th January 2008, 7:45 am :
If more of these shit movies are made(and there will be more) and make money like this. I don’t think we need to worry just about the western hemesphier. The man upstiars will probably just kill us all.
10. Mozzerino replies at 28th January 2008, 8:21 am :
Well, just another proof that mainstream cinema is ruled by dumb teenagers from age 12-18.
11. Crackpotpress replies at 28th January 2008, 8:36 am :
A few years ago Mike Judge made a movie called “Idiocracy” in which the #1 show on television was called “Ow- MY BALLS!”
Whenever I read something like this, I can’t help but think that “Idiocracy” is coming very soon.
12. oldshell replies at 28th January 2008, 8:41 am :
I think I just heard on the news that Doug went on a killing spree round LA!
13. scoville replies at 28th January 2008, 8:43 am :
It couldn’t have been much worse than 300 was.
14. Christian replies at 28th January 2008, 8:43 am :
Oh god, Crackpotpress, I think you are on to something. Idiocracy seems like it was showing the truth. Maybe having a wrestler in the White House doesn’t seem far fetched anymore.
15. Rodney replies at 28th January 2008, 8:52 am :
Wonderful use of Douglas Adams line there John.
Keep in mind, that the Jackass movies are just as popular. Idiocy seems to rule the boxoffice. Humanity has no hope
16. Darren J Seeley replies at 28th January 2008, 8:54 am :
I wasn’t laughing at Heby’s reply. Being a person who:
1) Does not believe in Evolution
2) Since the above is true, I consider the “new earth” theory to be plausible
and 3) I voted for Bush at least once.
Did I see “Spartans” this past weekend? No. Again, I only voted for Bush once.
17. ouija replies at 28th January 2008, 9:05 am :
I believe in God. Believe in God inspired evolution. Voted for Bush…and still can’t believe this movie did what it did.
Just means more wonderful trash from hollywood for the next decade.
(And no, I didnt pay to see this, I went to see Rambo instead…)
18. Antonio replies at 28th January 2008, 9:13 am :
Good to see that the movie blog is not above sinking to the level of self hate.
19. probitionate replies at 28th January 2008, 9:14 am :
“20 years from now, when China wipes North American culture off the face of the earth…”
LOL! John as Cultural Chicken Little!
Really?
Is that what you envision?
That Chinese culture is going to supplant North American culture, one that can only be compared to English culture in its global effect? (Someone once said that if you want to subvert a culture, forget about anything militaristic; go the cultural and consumerism route.)
So this must mean, by extension, that Chinese (in its various dialectal forms) is going to replace English.
Is this what you’re saying?
I believe that this century will, in the end, belong ECONOMICALLY to a) China, b) India and c) The Developing World. That many changes are coming for North America especially, most seriously, America.
But economically does not mean culturally.
China, India, et all have taken western economic and cultural paradigms, adapted them, and are revving their engines.
But don’t expect some kind of ‘yellow hoard overrun’ of North America.
Not going to happen.
The influence of America, and by extension, of core English culture, is not something that’s going to go backwards. No matter what I may feel about North American culture, I sure don’t share your opinion about it being ‘wiped from the face of the earth’.
As I stated elsewhere here on this blog, I don’t understand the umbrage people take in situations like this.
If they had a ‘Box Office’ equivalent to restaurant going, would you be as histrionic about how our culinary ’state-of-the-nation’ is in peril, seeing McDonald’s on top?
Why do you use movie-going as a barometer of how healthy our culture is? (Again, this is part of the proprietary aspect of films I find fascinating: the average movie-goer claims a sort of ownership of the notion of films, far in excess of a rabid sports fan or a genre-loving music consumer.)
Granted, there has been a dumbing-down of culture over the past forty years. The Age of Celebrity, if you will. But why use fanboy frames of reference to determine whether we’re going to Hell in a handbasket culturally…based on whether a sophomoric film does well at the box office?
BTW, as a final point: probably the most salient reason that China, India, or anywhere else won’t ‘wipe North American culture of face of the earth is…despite a growing multicultural profile…we’re xenophobic. It simply won’t ‘take’.
20. ChrisP replies at 28th January 2008, 9:16 am :
A lot of people love these movies. They don’t really get as emotionally involved as some other people do. My future brother-in-law is one of those people and I have a couple of friends who are like that as well. As much as it bugs me sometimes (I did study film, after all), it’s all about personal taste. Will I ever see “Meet the Spartans”? Probably not ever, if I had the choice. Am I surprised to see it at #1? Not at all. A lot of people thought it looked pretty funny.
21. AjaxLou replies at 28th January 2008, 9:19 am :
The need to laugh outweighs all.
22. SX0T replies at 28th January 2008, 9:22 am :
I’d like to think I’m smarter than some people out there (I’ve seen all of the movies on the list of superior films), and I did not see Meet the Spartans. But man….(and this is coming from an American) America is dumb as fuck. I am beyond depressed that people payed to see that movie.
23. probitionate replies at 28th January 2008, 9:24 am :
“America is dumb as fuck. I am beyond depressed that people payed to see that movie.”
But think of the dreck that’s on the primary form of entertainment in the US, television. Shows that are on for YEARS.
24. Eric Diaz replies at 28th January 2008, 9:24 am :
I am SO disgusted. I can’t believe people saw this movie!! I’m ashamed to be an American. I agree this is a real sign that were doomed.
Goodbye cruel world!
25. probitionate replies at 28th January 2008, 9:26 am :
And ‘Eastern Promises’ and ‘Once’ are hardly fodder for your argument, John; I’d be quite happy to have gotten my money back for both those films. (Granted, for differing reasons.)
26. chris (the real one) replies at 28th January 2008, 9:41 am :
as expected……there are a lot of stupid people in the world…..it pisses me off that they still make movies like this and they still will because of all the money it made…….i hoped after the abortion that was epic movie i wouldnt have to worry about anymore of this nonsense….but hear we go…..
and eastern promises was fantastic….i dont know what u saw
27. chris (the real one) replies at 28th January 2008, 9:44 am :
and probitionate u take this blog way too seriously…..i highly doubt john literally believes china will take over the US……jeez some people take the internets way too seriously
28. probitionate replies at 28th January 2008, 9:45 am :
“and eastern promises was fantastic….i dont know what u saw”
I saw a pretentious piece of doo-doo.
I saw a ’situation’, not a story.
I saw an entirely non-engaging movie with little to recommend about it aside from the acting, the set design, the cinematography. All important components to a film. But in this instance, what I expect from those involved can be summed up in one simple request:
‘Tell me a good story.’
And they didn’t.
So…I’d like both my money and my time back, please.
29. probitionate replies at 28th January 2008, 9:51 am :
“and probitionate u take this blog way too seriously…..i highly doubt john literally believes china will take over the US……jeez some people take the internets way too seriously”
And this comment is a pretty good parallel with the kind of mindset revealed in going to see films like ‘Meet the Spartans’.
This is a discussion area. You may view it as the electronic equivalent of a high school cafeteria or the smoking area outside an office building or a manufacturing plant, where nothing more than small talk or the fumble-mouthed dissections of the previous night’s sports fare is required…but I don’t.
This blog is a component of what John does for a living. He presents news, opinions, presents opportunities for engagement…and I take that *very* seriously. Which is why I may seem strident at times. But like the man said ‘An unexamined life isn’t worth living.’
(’internets’?!? There’s more than one…?)
30. scoville replies at 28th January 2008, 9:53 am :
One question:
How many of those far superior films did The Movie Blog review?
31. Jack Burton Says replies at 28th January 2008, 10:07 am :
John, John, John, I expected more from you. The same people who raves and moans about “the fall of America to the Chinese” are the same reactionary fools who raved and moaned about “the fall of America to the Japanese” in the ’80s. Everyone thought the Japanese were going to “take over” America too with their cheap cars and their cheap electronics. And what happened? Sure, they made a dent, but tell me America has been “Japanesed” 20 years later. Not even close. Didn’t happen then, and it won’t happen now with the Chinese. All this post of yours did was give all the American bashers and self-hating Americans the chance to hate America some more. I expected more from you, John. Please, leave the excuse to hate America to the other writers; but not you, John, not you…
32. Kanthan replies at 28th January 2008, 10:17 am :
@John may ask why you have made the figures in £ and not dollers?
33. GleepWurptheEyeBiter replies at 28th January 2008, 10:19 am :
All I have is a quote from Einstein…
“Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I’m not sure about the former.”
34. probitionate replies at 28th January 2008, 10:21 am :
To Jack Burton:
Kleenex…?
35. Artanas replies at 28th January 2008, 10:23 am :
Don’t forget the other sign:
Alvin and the Chipmunks has grossed over $200 Million.
It’s been real.
36. chris (the real one) replies at 28th January 2008, 10:49 am :
wow…..it must be soo cool being soo smart….sigh
its a movie blog…..its kinda immature and unreasonable for u to take a statement like the one john made about china taking over the US seriously…..i mean yes this is a forum for discussion and an exchange of ideas…..but its also a place for people to relax and joke around…..
i mean to take everything that is posted on the site seriously and literally isnt a way to enjoy it…..tho these guys are professionals they are also average guys talkin about movies…calm down pal….
and my comments parallel the mindset of those who see meet the spartans? how so? i merely said that your comment showed me u take this site too seriously….
your condescending tone isnt appreciate either
37. Kanthan replies at 28th January 2008, 10:53 am :
people take it easy, I think John was joking
38. Phil Gee replies at 28th January 2008, 10:57 am :
John, you’re starting to sound like Q from Star Trek: the next generation, condemming the entire human race as savages:)
Look, we’ve seen this type of thing before. Some Americans can be stupid; so what? There is a certain percentage of moviegoers who will go and see the funny movie whose poster spells the genre of the film loud and clear (unlike ‘Walk Hard’) because they have nothing else to do and want to be entertained. It’s fast food cinema, it’s what it says on the tin.
39. probitionate replies at 28th January 2008, 11:04 am :
“and my comments parallel the mindset of those who see meet the spartans? how so? i merely said that your comment showed me u take this site too seriously….”
I doubt that those people paying to see ‘Meet the Spartans’ regard the process as anything more than just ‘going to a movie’. No biggee. It’s casual. It’s not a vote cast for anything other than how they spend their two hours. And your take on discussion here, the site itself is the same: casual.
No doubt John’s comments were -to a degree only he’s able to rightly comment on- tongue in cheek. A joke. And yet there’s a lot of substance to the subject.
As for my ‘condescending tone’… Maybe you’re just taking these exchanges-
Hmm… What did someone say recently? ‘Why so serious?’
: )
40. Phil Gee replies at 28th January 2008, 11:07 am :
Besides, the worst thing about ‘Meet The Spartans’ was how certain people turned the movie blog into the IMDB message boards for a few hours this weekend over Doug’s review.
41. bassturd replies at 28th January 2008, 11:11 am :
I shit my pants when I read Meet the Spartans topped the box office. I said on another site “I guess that is why I hate majority of people in this world”. It’s become painfully clear to me that people are inherently terrible and have no good taste. It makes me sad.
42. Kristina replies at 28th January 2008, 11:44 am :
I TOLD YOU GUYS!
Why are you so damn surprised?
43. Steve L. replies at 28th January 2008, 12:00 pm :
Kristina wins. Discussion over!
44. DarkKinger replies at 28th January 2008, 1:04 pm :
The QUEEN has spoken!
45. Matthew replies at 28th January 2008, 3:16 pm :
I guess I’m not quite sure why this is such a terrible thing. Don’t get me wrong, I think the movie might be the worst thing to ever happen on screen, but isn’t it just parallel to fart jokes that intelligent, successful people laugh to everyday? I’m not going to lie, when I saw the preview and saw Britney on the chair shaving her head, I chuckled. That doesn’t mean I’m going to see the movie, but it was just a stupid laugh. I don’t think that because a ton of teenagers who have no understanding of the Rambo franchise chose to go see this signals the downfall of America.
46. federico replies at 28th January 2008, 3:44 pm :
“they are not idiots, they are different”.
yesterday when i saw on imdb that it was number one, i remembered the review from the movieblog and could not believe it… and in imdb it had 2.6! what a waste of time and money!
please have a sense of humour, i don’t think john wants the downfall of the united states (america is the continent)
47. Karmicmonk replies at 28th January 2008, 4:27 pm :
The movie Idiocracy comes to mind, we’re all doomed to stupididy unless we start selectivly breeding the smart ones, and banishing the jilted offspring of the philistines!
48. Mr.Death replies at 28th January 2008, 4:31 pm :
Thats it, I’m moving to Europe.
49. ALFREDO replies at 28th January 2008, 5:44 pm :
Yeah the reason why Meet The Spartans makes more money than those other movies is because people enjoy trash. I’m not kidding.
50. leeloo replies at 28th January 2008, 9:01 pm :
i stopped watching these spoof movie things after… wait i never started. the jokes in the trailers have always been bland and predictable. they should at least hire comedians to write them.
51. Hero Stew replies at 29th January 2008, 2:11 am :
Well I am a proud American. I am not dumb enough to take box office figures and use them as an intelligence gauge for an entire nation of people.
Of course this isn’t the first time I have heard anti-American rhetoric here from the mods. This will probably be my last visit.
Funny how people bash America. Then migrate here.
Don’t bite the hand that feeds you.
52. Herby replies at 29th January 2008, 3:46 am :
Boy missed a lot of banter on this one. Just moved and have no internet at home so I had to wait till I got to work to reply. So here goes…
To Jim Walker @ 7: I had the same reaction when I saw “Jesus Camp” and a similar reaction when I heard that the majority of Judges appointed by this administration came from the university founded by Pat Robinson.
To Darren @ 16: Have you heard that archeologists have uncovered a lost page of the bible. It goes at the very beginning of the book and reads: “This is a work of fiction, any resemblemce to persons living or dead is purly coincidental.”
And to the bloggers who are coming down on John for his China remark. Develope a fucking sense of humor will you. Here’s a hint, you won’t do it by going to see “Meet the Spartans”
53. Herby replies at 29th January 2008, 3:51 am :
Boy missed a lot of banter on this one. Just moved and have no internet at home so I had to wait till I got to work to reply. So here goes…
To Jim Walker @ 7: I had the same reaction when I saw “Jesus Camp” and a similar reaction when I heard that the majority of Judges appointed by this administration came from the university founded by Pat Robinson.
To Darren @ 16: Have you heard that archeologists have uncovered a lost page of the bible. It goes at the very beginning of the book and reads: “This is a work of fiction, any resemblemce to persons living or dead is purly coincidental.”
And to the bloggers who are coming down on John for his China remark. Develope a fucking sense of humor will you. Here’s a hint, you won’t do it by going to see “Meet the Spartans.”
54. Herby replies at 29th January 2008, 11:52 pm :
Sorry for the double post. Seems yesterday had some problems with the movie blog site. Anywho, sorry again.
55. scoville replies at 30th January 2008, 8:37 am :
I never got any response to my question, so I’ll ask it again:
How many of those “far superior” movies were reviewed by The Movie Blog?