The 8 Things I’m Sick Of Seeing In Movies

This entry was posted on Saturday, June 16th, 2007 at 2:48 am.
Categories: Favorites, Features, Top Lists.

Cliches… Formulas… whatever terminology you like to call them by, there are certain repeated patterns in films that we’ve all seen a thousands times. Some of those Formulas are fine. For example, the mom who loves her kids… that’s not a stretch and we expect it in normal life, so we expect no less in a movie. However, there are other formulas in films that would have you and I believe they are the norm in real life… when they really aren’t. These can be fine too and not irritate us… but then there are these cliches that I really get sick off and wish more films would avoid.

So now I present to you, in no particular order, the 8 things I’m sick of seeing in movies:

1 - The current boyfriend/husband of the main character’s would be love interest is a total jerk

THE CLICHE: You know what I’m talking about. The “hero” of the film loves a girl, but the girl has a boyfriend. Already you know there is a 97% chance that this boyfriend will end up being a total dick. He yells at her, demeans her, doesn’t respect her. You can’t imagine why on earth she’s with him in the first place… but whatever the reason it doesn’t matter, because you know she’s going to end up with the hero in the end anyway when she finally sees the jerk in question for what he is, and leaves him for the hero.

THE REALITY: Yeah, that girl you dig… well her boyfriend 9 times out of 10 is better looking, funnier, smarter, richer and all round a better person that you… loser.

2 - If a fight breaks out in a bar/restaurnt, EVERYONE will jump in

THE CLICHE: Almost without exception, if two people start fighting in a bar or restaurant in a movie, everyone else will join in. Hell, they’ll start swinging at each other for no good reason other than the fact that a couple of other guys seem to be doing. Chalk it up to bar peer pressure I guess.

THE REALITY: I’ve seen my fair share of fights break out at clubs/bars. Not once have I ever seen it get beyond a couple of people before the bouncers end up kicking their drunk asses than throwing them the hell out

3 - No spunk after the hump

THE CLICHE: Ok, I don’t mean to sound vulgar or anything (I usually leave that to Doug) but we’ve all seen this a hundred times in movies and we all collectively say under our breath “yeah right”. A couple at some sort of public function or fancy dinner quickly ducks behind a wall, or into another room for a quicky. They go at it practically fully clothed and when they’re “done” they just take a couple of deep breaths, run their fingers through their hair and then return to join the other guests as if nothing happened.

THE REALITY: Sex makes a mess… I’ll just leave it at that.

4 - Terrorists are always considerate enough to have large built in digital count down clocks in their explosives so the hero can know exactly how much time he/she has left

NO FUTHER EXPLANATION NEEDED

5 - Shot in the shoulder? No problem!

THE CLICHE: Usually in action flicks, the hero will take a bullet. But fortunately it didn’t hit his face, or his heart. Usually it’s the shoulder or leg or something like that. When this happens, the hero grimaces for a few moments, then the goes on fighting.

THE REALITY: Guess what. When you’re shot in the leg, you don’t walk anymore. You don’t walk with a limp, or just slowed down… you don’t walk PERIOD. Got shot in the shoulder? Yeah, you can’t throw punches anymore. Every time you even think about breathing you scream like a little girl.

6 - Everyone everywhere knows Morse Code

7 - I know you’re about to say something important, but let me interrupt you with unrelated information that will unwittingly douse what you were about to say

THE CLICHE: Son is out to dinner with his parents and has built up the courage to tell them that he’s gay. He says “Mom, Dad… I want you to know I love you, and that’s why I’ve decided to tell you this very important thing about myself and my life…” The dad suddenly cuts in “Before you go on Nick, have I told you how much I hate fags recently?” Son then changes topics and pretends like the news he was about to give was about a car or something else. This is also done with girl trying to tell boyfriend she’s pregnant. Boy trying to tell girl pal he loves her. The combinations are endless.

THE REALITY: The human race are a bunch of inconsiderate animals… but generally I’ve always found when I say “I’ve got something important to say” and then start telling them what it is… no one has ever suddenly cut me off to mention something totally unrelated.

8 - Delayed information equals certain death

THE CLICHE: Two people are talking in a perfectly good spot when person “A” says to person “B”: “I’ve got to tell you something that will alter the destiny of the human race”. Person “B” is obviously intrigued and asks what this information is. Then, for NO GOOD REASON person “A” says something like: “Not here… meet me later at this other place”. Sure enough, you know that person “A” will be killed before he can ever tell his secret.

THE REALITY: Someone says they know something important… then I’m getting them to tell me right then and there.

You may ask “John, why just 8 instead of 10″? Cause I’m breaking the cliche baby. :P

What are some of the ones that you’re sick and tired of seeing?

197 Comments, Comment or Ping

Kristina

Number 1 ALWAYS gets on my damn nerves. We already know how a romcom is gonna end, but at least make it SOMEWHAT interesting.

And if you are a supervillain, DON’T TALK. Just shoot the hero point-blank in the head and be done with it. You can tell his bleeding corpse your brilliant master plan, okay?

Jun 16th, 2007
Serena

YOu know what I hate about rom coms…you brought up the “jerk boyfriend”,but I have seen tons of other rom coms..with characters getting with “MR./MRS perfect. They’re funny, charming, better looking than the protagonist in the film…and they end up dumping them in the end for the hero/lead in the film. I hate seeing that…because in real life…No ONE is going to dump the perfect person! Maybe that’s why I liked My Best Friend’s Wedding so much…it went against the cliche…

Jun 16th, 2007
Matt

“Everyone everywhere knows Morse Code”

that made me laugh out loud. nice list. :)

Jun 16th, 2007
Veracious

This list is also cliche.

Jun 16th, 2007
krazie835

“And if you are a supervillain, DON’T TALK. Just shoot the hero point-blank in the head and be done with it. You can tell his bleeding corpse your brilliant master plan, okay?”

Hahaha that reminds me of The Incredibles lol.

A lot of those really bother me too espcially number 1 but just because they are in the movie doesn’t make the film bad or any weaker although it can lol. I mean come on John you would always that Wedding Crashers should have been nominated for an Oscar or something and yet it had the cliche of the current boyfriend/husband of the main character’s would be love interest is a total jerk.

How about the cliche of the good guy winning at the end of a movie. Or perhapes giving you the sense that the bad guy didn’t completely win like in The Departed (which I loved) but I mean it did leave the audience with the sense that the bad guy didn’t really win in the end the good guys won.

Jun 16th, 2007
Darren LaRose

Awesome list. I liked no “spunk after the hump” .. but that’s a level of realism I don’t think most movie audiences are prepared for though. :)

Jun 16th, 2007
Pineapplehead

I hate it when at the end of the film you don’t actually SEE the villain die then they pop up again in the sequel with some bullshit explanation of how they escaped the huge air strike etc.

Jun 16th, 2007
Dr peter venkman

Number 1 for me is the false scare then the real scare. God I hate that convention,Just the prinicpal of well we’re going to play with the audience expectations so let’s do it in every god damn movie. It may just be me,But for a while there that was ALL I SAW IN HORROR MOVIES.

Jun 16th, 2007
Tombo

Number 1 is annoying… but Bryan Singer going against it in Superman Returns made it damned hard to watch!

Jun 16th, 2007
townes

9. You can run away from explosions!
10. Bad guys are ugly!

True list.
The first one reminded me of “An Unfinished Life”.

Jun 16th, 2007
haole

what I hate

Affirmitive action in movies. I hate it when they (for no reason) have the need to have an international cast. By this I mean EVERY nationality has to be represented and its obvious that’s the on;y reason they’re there.

side note: no, I’m not racist, I believe are many Talented actors of all races, so why don’t we cast them instead. I.E. Don’t show us a black, arab, chinese, hindu character, give us a character who is black, arab, chinese, hindu, etc.

Jun 16th, 2007
Jenny

9. when you look for an information, just turn tv on and it will be on the news, exactly on the first channel you will be on, and exactly at the moment they are speaking about it.

Jun 16th, 2007
Pineapplehead

@ Townes.

Yea - like Predator you mean. You too can run from a nuclear level explosion if need be.

Jun 16th, 2007
Naught

I hate it when a character gets shot (or something fatal happened to him/her) and he’s dying, he knows he’s dying, everybody knows he’s dying, and by all facts and logic and common sense he should’ve died 5 minutes ago, but what does he do instead of dying? Launch into some kind of monologue (a stilted one of course, because he’s dying oh it hurts so much to talk but no..not..yet..i..must…say..this) telling heroine he how much he loves her or to tell hero buddy what he needs to do to cure the zombie disease or how to disarm the bomb or a secret the hero needs to know to end the movie.

CASE STUDY: Trinity, Matrix Revolutions
Trinity : “Neo.. This is as far as I go.. My journey ends here.. You brought me back once.. but there’s no bringing me back now.. I want you to know.. how much I love you.. blah blah blah.. (dying pause) blah blah blah.. (swallow excessive saliva) blah blah blah.. Kiss me.”

YOU’VE GOT STEEL CABLES SLICING THROUGH YOUR BODY! DIE ALREADY!

Jun 16th, 2007
Robert Williams

Bad guy’s are either Arabic or British.

Jun 16th, 2007
pAt cAmpbell

1.)
I HATE it when two characters are about to face off and one of them does the “come get some” hand motion.Uggh.

2.)
When a character is having a a meltdown or is on drugs I hate the camera angle that follows them on a steady cam in front of their face.
I usually check out roll my eyes and wait for the stupid scene to be over.

Jun 16th, 2007
robert(wolf)

Hahahaha, love the list. So true. I never thought of the no spunk after the hump before!

Here is a few that annoy me.

1. Horror movies-When the first character dies, everyone is upset. Second character dies to the last, no one really gives a shit or they are not meantioned anymore once dead.

2. There is always a taxi when someone needs one.

3. Black people saying CLICHE words says as ”Damn woman”.

4. Bad guys shooting off a 100 rounds of gun fire and missing the hero.

Jun 16th, 2007
Koko

Amen to the sex one.

Everything seems unrealistic to me in movies because I’m Australian and most of the movies I watch are American. The Accent doesn’t translate very well.

“You had me at ‘Hello’”

This translates to …

“Love, if I could have, I woulda stuck me dick in ya the first time I seen ya”

Jun 16th, 2007
Bertom

The bad guy is always not-american, smokes cigarettes, preferrably ugly, he never smiles, grunts and talks with a terrible accent

Jun 16th, 2007
Don

GREAT LIST! Cliche #1 about the love-interest’s boyfriend has annoyed me for years!

Jun 16th, 2007
Mike

What I would add:

THE CLICHE: Whenever the weather reflects the character’s mood. i.e. it rains whenever someone is grieving, eather from a character’s death or from a breakup, but if someone is crying, the rain’s gotta fall.

THE REALITY: The world isn’t affected by your mood and it is likely a beautiful day outside when you feel like shit.

Jun 16th, 2007
Darren j Seeley

Adding/amending to Gio’s #1’s reality: The guy is still an abusive jerk and treat her like his property. He will stand her up, knock her up, knock her down, and she will still love the idiot because his car is better than yours :( But, be of good cheer. Most of the time the idiot has to make up/exagerrate his own inadaquadicies.

Anyway…

1) Love at first sight can happen. GETTING LAID ON THE FIRST DATE (or even random occurance)…that’s another story.

2) On a related note, hookers will always be smoking hot, work out at least twice a day, and, most importantly, you don’t have to pay her for sex. She’ll charge others, of course, but you are ’special’.

3) Strippers in a strip bar. And not one of the main/supporting characters is watching them.

4) “I want your badge and your gun. You are on vacation/suspension”.
Oddly, maverick cop will have another gun/have access to one. In addition, he gets best (revenge) results when off-duty and on vacation. They also will be fully re-instated.

5) For those underlings who came closest to capturing/killing the hero but, due to chance, the hero gets away: the crime boss will knock them off because of thier “failiure”.

6) The difference between cats and dogs: in a global disaster, the cats sadly never make it. Our dog Fido? No problem! Dogs are faster than all fires and floods, domestic, foreign AND especially extraterristial.

7) In times of peril, it is best to drive motorcycles…because the car battery dies and/or gas line floods as the killer approaches.

8) Self-awareness jokes/fourth wall abuse…characters “know” they are in a genre film.

Jun 16th, 2007
Larry

#8 bothers me the most. Especially when someone takes forever to explain that they have something important to say, “don’t forget this”, “I’ve got to tell you”…..just tell them already…dammit.

This is the one thing that takes me out of ANY movie.

Jun 16th, 2007
Phil Gee

Ok, i can add two bad guy cliches here for starters:

“I’ve been very impressed that you got this far…….why not join me”

“I know you better than you know yourself”

People who have never held a firearm before, will be as good as Robocop within 10 seconds of touching one (this includes being able to hold, load, and cock it as if it were made of cardboard instead of being the rather heavy piece of metal that it actually is).

Jun 16th, 2007
Phil Gee

Oh, if at a party with loud music, and said music is suddenly turned off, people at party develop sudden muteness and paralysis.

Jun 16th, 2007
arnique

James Marsden HATES cliche no 1 for sure.

Jun 16th, 2007
movie replicas

in horror movies, woman is running from the serial killer, she trips, drops her keys, can’t find the right keys to start her car. the killer isn’t near her car, until the shot pans out and is either standing in front of the door or the sudden “peeka boo I see you” scare.

Jun 16th, 2007
Rodney

lol@ Darren! Yeah, the dog always gets to live. Example: Independance Day.

Alien uberweapon is tearing major cities a new one, THOUSANDS of people dying in a fiery blaze of destruction. Oh shit we forgot the dog in the car while running for cover in this access door no one is using! Hey dog! and we all cheer when the dog miraculously escapes harm in an impressive leap to safety.

Did you see the dozen people dematerialize in the background while you were cheering?

In Jurassic Park 2 the dog is barking at the dino, and I was SO happy to see him get eaten.

Jun 16th, 2007
mudkat

one thing that really bothers me is the killer no matter how mutated and crazy they are,they are so into their work that they have collected every newspaper clipping of every crime they’ve done and they have posted them on the wall for the victoms to find.then the idiots take the time to stand there and read them while a killer is after them.
another one is the good guy/girl has stunned the killer but instead of hacking him to little pieces or shooting him 20 times to make sure he’s dead,they just walk away and assume he’s finshed.

Jun 16th, 2007
Russ

The one that gets me every time is in a childrens movie with talking dog Who Let The Dogs Out has to play atleast once.

Or Within a horror movie the good old fasioned fake out scare, followed by the real scare you always know when its coming too like when someone opens a medicine cabinet to look in and when they close it someone else is behind them….but yet people still continue to jump at this

Jun 16th, 2007
ryan wimbrough

i hate all those cliches, makes the movie predictable …

also add in that from those football movies, there is a dramatic scoring play

Jun 16th, 2007
Salem

John, though I usually agree with 99% of your posts, I must say, #1 isn’t always a cliche. In fact, it’s usually true. You and I are both GIANOMOUS GEEKS. We can both attest to the fact that women much rather date the jerks/assholes who demean them, rather than the little nice guy. Well, girls around my age group do…

So #1 isn’t 100% false. :)

Jun 16th, 2007
ClassyAss

The line “we’ve got company!” Usually used in a car chase or when multiple characters are where they shouldn’t be and are discovered.

Jun 16th, 2007
Blaze87

The cliche that really bothers me is when they say a line of what’s gonna happen in the end, ala X-Men 3, when Xavier says to Storm “One day you’ll take over the school.”, and I’m sitting in the theater going “Oh god, now I know what’s gonna happen.”, it makes the story too predictable.

Jun 16th, 2007
Joe

I liked the morse code cliche a lot…

The thing that bothers the hell out of me is that there is never any traffic. Ok, you’re on the other side of LA? No problem, I’ll just hop in my ride and be there in 10 minutes - which is possible because there’s no traffic!

Jun 16th, 2007
reuben

John,
In number two you said that you chalked the bar fights up to “bar peer presure”.
But I say you are wrong. It’s beer presure.

Jun 16th, 2007
Viddy

I hate this cliche: Love Interest gets captured by bad guy and hero must save her…….”just in the nick of time!”

I hate when one of the good guys joins the enemy just to reveal that he was there to hack the organization from the inside at a crucial moment.

The whole “life lesson” at the end of the movie.

Jun 16th, 2007
Deborah

“Yeah, that girl you dig… well her boyfriend 9 times out of 10 is better looking, funnier, smarter, richer and all round a better person that you… loser.”

HAHAHA
…soo true

Jun 16th, 2007
jason presti

Great John! This topic is one of the main reasons I come to this site! Nowhere else can i vent my movie frustrations and feel validated like this site!

I agree with all of those! Too many movie cliches are a sign of lazy writing!

The really sad thing is that some of the oldest ones in the book STILL get used way too much, like “i’ll be right back” in horror movies, still used a lot.

The ones i hate are where someone original tried to turn a cliche on its ear and change it and then Everyone else adopts it.

For along time in horror movies the main hero ALWAYS lived so recently some films tried to change it by introducing a false hero in the beginning and then killing them unexpectedly.
Already, more than a few films have copied this and tried to make us think characters were important then killed them off. I almost expect it now…almost.

Jun 16th, 2007
jason presti

One of my biggest pet-peeves is in Romantic comedies.

the main character always has one friend/relative who is the “sane” one and gives them the correct advice.

The main character then ignores them the whole film, screws up their entire life in every way possible in one day, then has to crawl back to that friend/relative and follow their original advice.

The other worst offender to me is Hollywood’s recent free pass with cheating. This is the main plot of the new Ben Stiller movie and we have seen this 100 times before.

Main character gets engaged to absolute jerk/bitch who treats them like complete dirt. Main character meets love of their life while on trip, starts affair with new love, then convinces nasty fiance that they should let them go and all will be happy if main character ends up with new girl.
Nasty fiance suddenly turns into nice person, agrees, then gives main character a hug and wishes them well!

Anyone who has watched ONE episode of Judge Judy or Divorce Court will know that this is complete BS!!! Hell, people have been KILLED for pulling that kind of crap in real life!!!

Jun 16th, 2007
Terry Letourneau

In horror/sci-fi, people always tend to go into air ducts…DO NOT GO INTO AIR DUCTS!!

Jun 16th, 2007
Al

Perhaps this is slightly off topic but a formula that I’m sick and tired of seeing is animated films featuring family-friendly, cartoony, anthropomorphic, talking-animals. There is too damn many. Why can’t animation be percieve as something more than just for kids?

Jun 16th, 2007
AudioOut

Here’s one

Little Penny is looking for Little Johnny but is scared. Little Penny eventually looks in the scary dark basement. Calls out, “Hey Johnny! You in there?” Doesn’t get answered. Hesitates…then goes in to see if he’s there…

Why would anyone do that?

The heroes and villains have to attack each other at the apex of their sentence. Like this:

“Well, how do you like THIS.” and “This is where you DIE!” accompanied by a gradual loudening. But if the hero is going to be saved then they say, “This is where you die.” calmly, then stand there and wait to be foiled.

Jun 16th, 2007
nate

Something to expect when your watching war films:

When a character looks at her girlfriend/wife/son/daughter’s picture they always gets killed and it seems like a really big deal to the main character.

Jun 16th, 2007
Carolyn Pan

Man, you are so right about #7! I’d never really thought about it before, but it’s a total rom-com staple. Usually, though, they try to legitimize it, so it’s not so much a ridiculously inconsiderate interruption but a WACKILY COINCIDENTAL phone call (with the one-sided conversation hilariously breaking down the guy’s resolve- Meet the Parents, I’m thinking of), or the exactly wrong person coming in with big overshadowing news, so afterwards the person will turn back and say “Sorry, weren’t you going to tell me something?” but the moment’s gone.

And on that note, I think the most ridiculous part of the cliche is when the guy pretends he was talking about a car or whatever and the parents JUST ACCEPT IT. Like “Sorry, honey, what were you trying to tell me?” “Oh… just that… I love you.” “Oh, OK.” NO! Obviously they were building up to something big! NO ONE WOULD BELIEVE THAT.

Jun 16th, 2007
Kristina

In car chases, people use up all their ammo shooting at each other. AIM FOR THE FUCKING TIRES!! Blow the tires out, chase over, done deal. Hell, if you’re going at high speeds, a blown tire could theorectically flip the bad guy’s car over multiple times, badly injuring or even killing him. Just shoot out the damn tires.

In romcoms, the people can’t figure their shit out until the VERY END where they chase down their love in a car, or race to the airport to stop them from moving to France or some shit. I HATE when they have stupid disagreements and storm off, followed by the typical montage set to sad emo music. I HATE it in movies like Hitch or How to lose a guy in 10 days when they have the BIG FIGHT over some misunderstanding, but if they sat down for two minutes and actually TALKED about the shit, they’d figure it out and everything would be fine. That’s why I LOVE Lost in Translation. There is no contrived plot device that drives the two of them apart.

Jun 16th, 2007
bond james bond

car keys in the ignition.
car doesnt start.

Jun 16th, 2007
Serena

I would like to see one movie where a parent actually believes their child about something f*cked up going on. Children and animals in movies always seem to sense bad shit going on….I just want to see a movie where a kid goes to his parents and say something like “I think our next door neighbour is a vampire/werewolf/serial killer etc.” and the parents go, “Well then let’s get the f*ck out of here!”

Jun 16th, 2007
Klendathu

Here’s one that always pisses me off: An evil secret is revealed/something ominous is said….LIGHTNING STRIKES RIGHT AFTER HE/SHE SAYS IT. Not only that, but the thunder sounds SIMULTANEOUSLY!

Jun 16th, 2007
Kristina

Another one….in disaster movies, the whole world will go to shit, millions will die…..but the cute kid and the dog will ALWAYS survive. I will NEVER forgive that fucking dog outrunning the fireball in Independence Day, or the homeless asshole and his dog in Day After Tomorrow. Fuck kids and fuck their dogs. The best thing about Pirates 3 was that they had the balls to hang a fucking bastard kid in the opening sequence. Fuck kids. Fuck dogs. FUCK THEM ALL!!!!!!!!

Jun 16th, 2007
Phil Gee

Serena’s has to be my favourite! It’s so true, but none of these cliches are going to stop until we get off our arses and start writing the movies ourselves.

Just imagine if it were possible to create a film which contains all the situations we’ve mentioned but avoids every single cliche we’ve pointed out……..what a fucked up mess that would be, ha!

Jun 16th, 2007
Rodney Munch

The one that always gets me is when people are watching an important announcement on TV - like the world is going to end - and they watch about 10 seconds of the announcement and then turn the fucking TV off!

Come on! when 9/11 happened everyone was glued to the TV all day…..

At least get your characters to discuss how they are going to save the world with the TV still on in the background.

Jun 16th, 2007
Kristina

The black guy dying first. You can set your watch to that shit in any horror flick.

Jun 16th, 2007
treycranson

@JENNY

I always hate that they instantly get the news they were looking for, but what I hate more than that is when they turn off the TV right after the story. I mean come on!! You know if the news is big enough, they’ll be talking about it for another 30 minutes, or break-in with ‘this just in…’

Jun 17th, 2007
treycranson

Sorry, I have another. Why are all Romans in historical movies speaking with British accents?

Jun 17th, 2007
Kristina

Or Spatans with Scottish accents…………

Jun 17th, 2007
Hosero

Heres 2 more for you;

“We should split up.” No you fucking shouldn’t!

I love these giant shootouts that go on for 5 minutes in an action scene and the cops just never show. If there was a shoot out of that size thats all that would be on the news for weeks.

Jun 17th, 2007
medavidson

Guys that get kicked in the balls grab their stomachs for two seconds and then keep on going. Trust me ladys: kicked in the balls = end of fight. Guys that get kicked in the balls grab their stomachs for two seconds and then keep on going. Trust me ladys: kicked in the balls = end of fight. <- PERIOD.

I’m getting a little sick just thinking about it…

Jun 17th, 2007
Kristina

In shootouts, the bad guys can’t shoot worth shit, but the good guys rarely, if ever, miss their targets. It kills me to see the bad people unload their ammo and not hit a damn thing.

Jun 17th, 2007
Ancey

Running from a maniac and screaming the entire way, especially when there are plenty of areas to duck and hide, because is it’s really dark out and the only thing said maniac can tell about where you are are the noises you make: You should shut up and stay low for a long time. Instead of running in one straight line (screaming) through a thick forest when all you’ve got is one saw-wielding maniac following you.

Jun 17th, 2007
Peter T

@ Kristina with gun fights the hero is always an awesome shot UNTILL he has a clear shot and the main villian oh no! he missed so they have to have a hand to hand fight instead… GRRR

Jun 17th, 2007
Kristina

When people get married in movies, the wedding is almost always interrupted somehow, by somebody objecting to the marriage, or one of them realizing at the last moment that their heart is really with someone else.

Jun 17th, 2007
Kristina

When people have sex in movies, they cover themselves up with sheets during and after the act. The woman’s legs are sticking out, and the sheets cover the guy from the waist down. How convenient. Either that, or they rush to throw their clothes back on. They are never sweaty and the woman’s makeup is still perfectly intact. When they wake up in the morning, NO ONE EVER HAS BAD BREATH OR DROOL OR THE PILLOW. Birds are chirping, the lighting is perfect, and nobody looks like hell.

Jun 17th, 2007
Kristina

And with all the sex going on, I can count on one hand the number of times I’ve seen somebody stop to put a condom on in a movie, yet none of these people ever get herpes. Miraculous, I tell ya!

Jun 17th, 2007
Naught

Nowadays you just have to look at a picture of Paris Hilton and you can get herpes, my dear.
That Scot accent on a Spartan was hot. I don’t kid and I don’t give a shit.
My fave rom-com is still Love Actually. Lots of cliches, but it made me smile and feeling the fuzzies after wacthing it, and I don’t get fuzzies except after orgasms.

Question:
In Movies, when the wife and husband have the same job or work in the same line (i.e Mr&Mrs Smith), why is it always wife does better than husband? Are we women so fragile we can’t admit that some things are done better by men?

Jun 18th, 2007
Ian

Everyone’s telephone number starts with 555

Jun 18th, 2007
Kristina

@Naught

I ADORE the Butler and I LOVE Love Actually. That moment with the videotape of Keira put a tear in my eye. And man, Billy Mack….
“It’s a terrible mistake, chubs, but you turned out to be the fucking love of my life.”

sigh………………..

Jun 18th, 2007
Alfredo

1. Right on John! This fromula has been run into ground. However I disagree anyone being more handsome then me.

2. Too true.

3. I wouldn’t know about doing it in public places… hmmm would care to tell us who she was John.

4. :(

5. Right on again. If you get shot in the shoulder kiss full movment of that arm good-bye.

6.Not true in Short Circuit 2.

7. Rule #7 can also lead to hilarity.

8. Not all info is for the publics ears. Finding a secluded area to divulge information is sometimes a smart idea. Also it can lead to rule #3.

Jun 18th, 2007
Alfredo

1. Right on John! This fromula has been run into ground. However I disagree anyone being more handsome then me.

2. Too true.

3. I wouldn’t know about doing it in public places… hmmm would care to tell us who she was John.

4. :(

5. Right on again. If you get shot in the shoulder kiss full movment of that arm good-bye.

6.Not true in Short Circuit 2.

7. Rule #7 can also lead to hilarity.

8. Not all info is for the publics ears. Finding a secluded area to divulge information is sometimes a smart idea. Also it can lead to rule #3.

Jun 18th, 2007
Goon

The fat kid is also the stupidest and the stinkiest and loudest

Jun 18th, 2007
Jeff Razey

…Kristina, do you secretly want a dog?

ok,
1) Scottish rolls with british actors, british rolls with scottish actors

2) Major shootouts, bad guy has revolver that holds 6 shots and he shoots 9 or 10, sometimes more the older the movie
3) During major shoot outs, (where cars are involved) no one thinks of shooting the other persons feet or legs from under the car.
4) In horror movies the victom is running like a cheeta through the woods that are dark and deep, from a killer that is mutated or shot, hurt, stabed - limping or on one leg - but is always 20 feet behind the person RUNNING (and screaming, just in case the killer gets lost)
5) The hero or main star sacrifices themself - that got old after ARMAGEDON - its a new one that is now happening TOO often.
6) Someone told not to make any phone calls as to not give away where they are, and they do it any way
7) Ben Stiller movies
8) Secret labs or bases that would take thousands of people to build….not so secret base
9) Tom Cruse movies
10) Someone mentioned this before, but getting from point “A” 30 miles away to point “B” in ten minutes
11) Hero getting away in HIGH SPEED CHASE - let me say this - NEVER GOING TO FUCKING HAPPEN EVVVEEERRRR!!!!! YOU CAN’T OUT RUN POLICE RADIO!

One last thing…about women with the jerk boyfriend(s) women want to get FUCKED like a porn star! Nice guys don’t know how or incapable of doing so! Thats why they stay with the asshole! Nice guys need to learn how to smack that ass right and kill this cliche…fuck…

Jun 19th, 2007
Jeff Razey

oh and cars that do radical jumps 20 feet or so off the ground and still drive at high speeds with little or no damage.

this applies to the car also being shot the fuck up by machine guns and have thousands of bullet holes in the hood and still run…no fucking way.

Jun 19th, 2007
Jeff Razey

the dumb but insanly HOT girl that the “good guy” won’t fuck the shit out of her. WHY THE FUCK NOT?

Jun 19th, 2007
Kat

First of all what you said was ignorant, and good guy is probably looking for personality and not just the looks. Ok moving on. The number one thing that bothers me in sci-fi and action films is when there is a whole bunch of people and there is a monster or something coming to kill them and the people just stand there and stare at the thing while it is killing people. Like in War of the Worlds.

Jul 1st, 2007
Mister Mike

In a movie where there is a closeup of a computer screen where someone is typing (usually some computer geek with a typing speed of 120 words per minute or more), have you ever seen the typist make a mistake?

Jul 9th, 2007
Rafael

I got one for ya. The bad guy who has everything but the good guys girl. I’ve seen this countless times in many movies.

Jul 10th, 2007
Bobsyeruncle

There may be a little more truth to #1 than we want to concede. Sorry, “hero”. If your love interest is in a committed relationship with an abusive man, she’s got bigger problems than you’ll ever solve with your tenderness and charm. Run for your life and find a woman who cherishes a good man, ‘cuz this one won’t.

Here’s another for the list, though. The villain is rich, and we hate him because we know that significant wealth is never gained through perseverance and shrewd strategy, but always by manipulation and treachery. The hero struggles financially, and we love him because we know that those in such positions have no moral shortcomings, especially greed.

As much as this set-up is already a caricature, we’re supposed to cheer when everything wraps up nice at the end, and the hero is lifted out of his poverty by a freakish windfall. Wait a minute: Now that our hero is rich, doesn’t that make HIM evil?

Jul 15th, 2007
Johno

Here are some more…

*The guy and girl are just about to kiss and… they get interrupted by some irritating person. What, can you not see that they’re trying to kiss? And where’d you come from, anyway?

*If you can’t see it, you can’t hear it. Helicopters that pop up from behind a tree or building… I guess they had the silencer on those rotors.

*When someone’s using a computer and it’s not a Mac, and it’s also not running Windows… hey, what the hell is this operating system? The letters are all really huge and there are tons of beeping noises.

*To save the world we have to sacrifice a couple of people. The guy who wants to sacrifice them is considered “evil” for this, and he will eventually get his comeupance. (Of course, if you don’t sacrifice those people, and the world ends, they’ll die anyway.) Luckily, the people will decide to sacrifice themselves, which is okay. And then half the time, they somehow escape death anyway!!!

Nov 29th, 2007
marc

no matter how good the bad guy can fight, you will learn every fight sport in 2 weeks that you can beat him
*g*

Apr 3rd, 2008
mixmastajb

here’s one:

somebody will eat something and really like it.

when they ask what it is, they will get an answer like, “it’s dog food” or “it’s monkey brains,” and then they will hate it.

Apr 5th, 2008
angryaboutbullshit

i really hate it when you got like 5 protagonists in a horror movie that have to search for the killer or for something like fixin the blown fuses… so they all go in different directions, knowing that a killer is waiting for them… probably not at the first dark corner,… that’s just a false jump scare… you’re like WTF? and then… the killer shows up from behind ! WHY DO THEY DO THIS SHIT? WHY DON’T THEY JUST STAY TOGETHER? 5 GUYS COULD EASILY HANDLE ONE KILLER!
wow, that’s so cliche, fuck that bullshit…

Apr 5th, 2008
woot

Every character is good looking. I’m so tired of this. Not everyone you meet is beautiful to look at.

May 25th, 2008
Megan

I agree with all of those cliches.

I especially agree with angryaboutbullshit.
*cough PROM NIGHT cough*

I don’t even watch romance movies anymore, they have become neither worth the money or worth my time. They’re so full of cliches and prediciblity that it becomes a snore. Darn the directors/producers.
Shame on the actors who cannot bring it to life.

And thank god for the actors who can.

Jun 2nd, 2008
zuzaci

finding passwords are soooo easy yeah… they just need three times to get it. “his daughters name? hm hm.. the year he finished university.. hm hm.. his dogs sign of the zodiac? ok i’ve got it!” I’m sick of it… and why the hell is the screen always black and the letters green or grey screen and big blue typo?

another cliche is that the good girl is between two nice guys and at least she picks one of them (of course the protagonist) and the other one just say “i wish you to be happy forever” and don’t even cry a teardrop or scream to her “you little bitch, who the hell you think you are?”

Jun 2nd, 2008
Dragonslayer

When you’re a superhero and you get scared and run away

Cliche: Like in Edward Scissorhands. Ed’s got frickin scissors for hands. The bad guy comes and tells him to get the hell outta the suburbs. Ed leaves and goes on a rampage.

Reality: If you have fuckin scissors for hands, you don’t run away from the asshole, you knife the bastard, you don’t go out and start scaring the shit out of eveyone in your sight. I hated that.

When you are invinsible and they still shoot at you

Cliche: Superman Returns. The guy launches a shit load of bullets at Superman and as soon as he runs out and Superman is still alive, the dude pulls out a gun and shoots him in the eye. It doesn’t work.

Reality: If you don’t kill the fucker in the 100 bullets, it proves yer fucked beyond all reckoning, and you start crying and filling your pants with some goo.

Y’know, I don’t get why these happened. Edward Scissorhands was ruined by that. Superman wasn’t, but it was still stupid. Who the Fuck just runs away when they got fuckin sharp motherfuckin claws? Fuckin retarded.

Jun 5th, 2008
jonson roth

All movie cliches are based on some original shred of truth - especially #1. The real problem, which I don’t think anyone mentioned, is that in the chain of production, someone applies the cliche. It’s not necessarily the scriptwriter. It could be the director or producer saying, “I want this in there.” The fact is, a lot of movie goers are comfortable with familiarity - which also explains why so much shitty mainstream music does so well.

Originality is rare because it means both stepping out an existing mindset and then convincing someone more powerful than you that what you’ve come up with is a good thing.

Jun 21st, 2008
jonson roth

@dragonslayer: Normally I’d say you’re right, but you’re forgetting that Edward’s entire character was a quivering, angstful mess. He had no confidence. That right there explains his running away. I mean, isn’t that what a lot of the movie about? (Sorry, it’s been a very long time since I’ve seen it in its entirety.)

Jun 21st, 2008
alphaduck

The one I hate the most happens in any horror movie and lots of action flicks, walking into a dark room. I never go into a room without turning on a light if the light doesnt work i dont go in. Plus in horror movies nobody ever looks up.

Jun 22nd, 2008
rfa123

I hate it when people stand up and clap during a movie. I can understand when it is for a live performance but for a movie…

Check out this blog:

http://movie-direct1.squarespace.com/links/

Jun 22nd, 2008
pigeon

More Cliches

Fucking shaky cam!

“Everything’s about to change” in trailer spot

Nobody ever gets tired in a long fight scene

Jun 23rd, 2008
irma

(Type your comment here. Make sure you’ve read the commenting rules before doing so)
There should be a #9
someone is being chased down a street or alley (chaser in car, chasee on foot), the chasee always continues to run straight ahead.Get real..who can outrun a car…a real person would run to the side or double back.

Jun 25th, 2008
irma

(Type your comment here. Make sure you’ve read the commenting rules before doing so)

Jun 25th, 2008
Adamus Rex

I hate the villain’s henchman. Whenever the hero gets to the villain, and they send out their little henchmen to distract them for the ten seconds it takes the hero to take em out, while they make a clean getaway.

or the nerd stereotype who lives with his mom and has no chance at a girlfriend.

and cliches like the villain revealing his plan just make me love Watchmen.

Jun 27th, 2008
Fred

I HATE IT…when women are considered action heroes. 5 foot 4 118 pound women running around doing kung fu shit and beating the hell out of middle linebackers from the Chicago Bears. THIS MUST STOP. IT MUST STOP NOW! I PRAY FOR THE DAY A FILM SHOWS SOME STUPID ANGELINA JOLIE TYPE GET SQUARE UP AGAINST 6 Foot 4 240 Pound MAN…and he just grabs her by the neck with one hand and CHOKES HER to death slowly…then after the movie death says…”Stupid Bitch”….

Jun 27th, 2008
somethingorother

Movie that goes against all cliche? - Arlington Road

Jun 27th, 2008
Kurayjus

MixmastaJB- In DEMOLITION MAN, Stallone eats a hamburger in the underground resistances hideout, and when he asks whats in it,and they tell him it’s made of rat meat, he just says hmmm,goood.

Jun 27th, 2008
Kurayjus

(Type your comment here. Make sure you’ve read the commenting rules before doing so)Actresses that don’t do nudity because they
don’t want to “degrade women” while taking on the role of a crackhead or prostitute

Jun 27th, 2008
Kurayjus

After sex, why does the woman cover up as if the audience is in there with them?

Jun 27th, 2008
dorian

(Type your comment here. Make sure you’ve read the commenting rules before doing so)love-this-list.
i hate:
1.somebody’s mad or depressed, or something bad is about to happen, so it’s gotta be raining.
2.nobody believes you until you say:”I GIVE YOU MY WORD”. now everyone’s on board no matter how stupid/outlandish the plan.
3. you dont want to go along until the hero says: “TRUST ME”. aw, hell. now i have to do it. fuck! he said ‘trust me’!
4. the hero comes to the house/apt AND THE DOOR IS UNLOCKED!! ok. i admit it. i live in L.A. but i’ve never even checked to see if a door is locked. cuz i know everybody locks their door. and even if they didn’t, i wouldnt try the door and just walk in.

Jun 27th, 2008
Shaun

Isnt it ironic during all da endings in da movies where da hero has to save some1 that a lotta bystanders get hurt or killed even….run over…get into car accidents that cud probably kill em…have their cars stolen..have their houses or stalls blown up or smashed into..have a misfired bullet hit em etc etc etc…all those lives dn’t count anywhere as near as the person da hero has to save..stupidity…

Jun 28th, 2008
dorian

(Type your comment here. Make sure you’ve read the commenting rules before doing so)
…or when the hero says ” i want to take you to dinner” and the girl says “ok”. then the hero says ” alright. 8 oclock, then.” no address is given. no “see you at the light under the bridge”. no directions. but they meet at 8 and everybody knows where.
dont you hate that?

Jun 28th, 2008
Hershey Squirrel

I was an NYC paramedic for 5 years. I can vouch for #5. I think Bruce got shot 2 maybe three times in the original Die Hard.

You might add to the mix - 5a Once someone gets beat down they stay down. Just look at YouTube under “Knocked the F*&$ Out.”

Jun 28th, 2008
William

(Type your comment here. Make sure you’ve read the commenting rules before doing so)

Two of my favorites:

1-Finding cures for new diseases in a matter of days(even hours)-
Antidotes, medicines, treatments, require years of careful study and millions of dollars in research.

2- Painfully obvious expository conversations(sample conversation)-

Guy A-”It’s great to have such a great family, so much money and great health”

Guy B-”Yes you are a very lucky man”

Then Guy B has an affair with Guy A’s wife.Guy A’s buisness ventures fail, he is now broke.Later Guy A gets cancer.

Jun 28th, 2008
Dan

Instant car explosions.
Hey I’m a European but our cars don’t explode if you hit something (wall or other car). We have no C4 beyond the bumpers.

Even worse: The heros car explodes after he runs away, the villains directly, for sure.

(haven’t I reed all, i can’t imagine that no one mentioned that b4)

Jun 28th, 2008
Jackson

You have been set up or caught in a compromising position by someone, they will normally start acusing you of alot of things that aren’t true. BUT all is not what it looks like. Example - a mother finds a used condom in the house, she berates the son, the sone dosen’t get a word in and cops punishment.
Instead of the son explaining in a calm and truthful tone that it was his brother or a prank or something, they will just stand there wide eyed, slack jawed going “oh, oh ahh, ahh, ohh” searching for words that would redeem them.

IT’S NOT F*CKING HARD TO TELL THE TRUTH AND CLEAR YOU’RE NAME, BUT INSTEAD OF DOING THAT YOU JUST STAND THERE LIKE A MUTE UMMING AND AHH-ING UNTIL THE MOTHER HAS HAD ENOUGH OF BERATING YOU AND WALKS OUT.

God, it sh*ts me.

Jun 29th, 2008
ChitoJoseph

How about the Taxi Cliche?

When a character hops off a taxicab, the driver NEVER gives change. It’s either of three things:

1) The cab fare is always exact
2) The character wants the driver to keep the change
3) The driver doesn’t like to give change

It’s really a minor fixture in movies, but this ALWAYS happens. Don’t you agree?

Jun 29th, 2008
Lobolover

A while back,a brag mag (the dirty rumours magazone type) had this one article I foudn intriguing-aftr a long time-about things (absurdities) hapening in the movieverse.Here are some that anoy ME:

1.”CHECK OUT CHANNEL X!”-

Person calls another person,tells them about a news/programe afecting them personaly,or being of great importance-and when the person puts on the TV,that certain news is just beining-technicaly, if its VERY important,it COULD be after a WHILE or on another chanel-when they say “check out the news”, its POSSIBLE that the news which was just on another chanel where the news are also playing has JUST started to shown on that respective chanel.Either that or TV stations broadcast in diferent time zones at diferent moments-which just HAPENS to cross between location A where character 1A is and location B where character 1B is-or they have very fast telephones OR- THEY CAN DIAL BACK IN TIME!

2.Elevators

Always there when not needed and ALWAYS held up by some all knowing socipathic sadist who holds it up for others to be killed.

3. Ridiculous/Repetitive phone conversations

Where the person being called has to ask back about the information just recieved in the exact same form to make sure anyone around and their mother will know exactly whats going on (yeah,pressing one button on the phone device is to big a bother)

4.Last second escaoes

Tying up with the big countdown clocks-EVERYONE geting out 0.0000000000000000000000000001 atto seconds before IT blows up.

5.Car gets scratched=BOOM

Cars always blowing up when having an acident.

6. Ridiculous stunts

Kobra 11-apart from being imensely guilty of 5,also had this scene-bad woman escapes in car,hero jumps through building window right on top of the passing car and seconds before the car falls to its doom leaps UP and just manages to hang on a wire located conventiontaly at that VERY LOCATION

7. The “dirty” Criminal genre

Mostly death investigators,investigating murders by unsympathethic people -solving cases by intimidation,locking up and through miraculously fast tests-too fast for the curent most modern technological lab-im talking about DNA tests being finished very shortly after they are begun (a PRIORITY DNA test takes 24 hours,I think)-usualy by just clicking a mouse and looking on a monitor-sometimes downright ridiculous (solving murder cases by creating mathematical equatiosn,OH GOODY!)-Columbo,Monk and some others are exceptiosn,but…..

8. Entering buildings with flasglights

Even when theres a perfectly good switch two inches of from your hand.

9. Unexisting presidents

People youve never heard of serving as presidents of the USA at your time or in the very near future(I know about ten)

10. Catastrophic movies killing of the cast

“The core”-seriously,idiotic plot-but 99% of the cast just HAPPENS to be killed by mysterious acidents/construction failures that nothing is responsbile-oh yeah,havent seen that yet.

11. Optimistic endings

Sometimes negative endings can make you glum,but hey,is life perfect?

12.Characters who hate each other end in bed

While it SOMETIMES can happen,it doesnt happen all the time.

13.Aliens can all talk english,even to each other/all people on alien planets having one race and talking the same language

Star Trekk-especialy Voyager-where they are at places no human ever was at-but look at damn Neelix and tell me wheres the logic?The second is people being too lazy to be realistic as well.

14.WE MADE IT!

Anoying optimistic yelpings.No coment

15.LAND BEFORE TIME 1 000 000 000 000

Seriously,14?

16. Near future is bombasticaly diferent

As Chesterton said-does a mouse continue to grow so big to blot out the sun?

17. People with super powers

Im talking about Heroes/4400 here.Its very hard to not potray this ridiculously in real life.

18. Inacurancies

Rather a requring phenomenon,then a cliché-but-okay,since when can the US hokey team beat our,the Czech Hokey team what 7:0 and how do they call a “typical slav type” a person with years of drinking beer and eating hotdogs (cause we all know hotdogs ws a favourit dish in the Soviet block,ESPECIALY during the cold war)-another things is Indiana Jones portraying mostly vegetarian Inds as bug and snake eaters (chineese do that)- mentioning a “sultan of madagascar”in the 1940’s too is one lesser stupidity-but on the level of saying “Emir of Germany” and in 1956.Johny nglish is a good example-the queen abdicates the throne and,insetad of several hundred people after the main ruling family-including various other family members of nobility and sovereign monarchs of other states,the throne passes to a french guy of no stated noble birth.

19. People talking about their future plans being killed VERY soon

ALOT of people plan ahead.Not 10% of them are killed right after they disclose their plans to someone

20. Newspapers having one single story to cover

You know-when someone is reading about something that is afecting them and though its covered on the first page,they learna bout it from the midle-around the place where the sports section starts

Jun 29th, 2008
Andy Barber

Here’s a number 9…
Civilian drivers who either a) choose to drive forward like clueless zombies, or b) choose to aim their vehicle towards certain death.

I’ll explain.

So I’m watching Ronin (excellent film) and there’s this wicked little car chase when all of a sudden (as if it wasn’t going to happen…) the ‘chasee’ jumps the curb into oncoming traffic on the highway. You know how that goes. Anyway, when I’m driving the 401 and some moron does something stupid in front of me, I INSTINCTIVELY steer my car (by safely obeying all traffic laws ha ha ha) out of the way. But why is it that in action movies the civilian drivers don’t instinctively move out of the way. The ‘chasee’ weaves and ducks through all these oncoming vehicles WHO DON’T EVEN TWITCH! They just blindly drive into the car in front contributing to a nice twisted metal mess. The only ones who move are those who decide (somehow) to hinder the ‘chaser’, drive into a fuel tanker, or off a bridge.

Anyway… Hi Doug. Hi John. May the Force be with you. Long live Zul!

Jun 30th, 2008
John Doe

What I really hate about almost EVERY horror movie is:
Theres a noise in the garage or some other pretty dark spot somewhere. Light are already destroyed or the bulb just blows this very second.
Then tension arises…. *BAM* its the neighbors cat.
The victim turns around and gets a face-full :(
Seen SOOOOOOOO often…

and the classic handy thing:
When the character needs to make a call either the batteries are low or theres no network around.
Geez, we live in 2008….

(sry for the crappy english… im from germany)

BTW: great list….

Jul 2nd, 2008
Avalar

Here is a classic:

Setting the scene- A loud crash and snarl is hear outside at night:

Movie = Hay all there are 4 of us lets all split up and take no weapons and get mauled and eaten outside!! “great idea I also too want to die young”

Reality = Stuff this , we all stay in one big group and we all have knives from the kitchen plus a chair leg to smash heads plus a broken bottle plus I have wrapped myself up with demin and also covered my neck so I dont get bitten there and we all go out find this monster and kick the crap outta him then put it on youtube and become celebrities for killing the monster.

Or they squeel like girls and run into a public place where they dont get eaten also………

Need to breathe now…

Jul 7th, 2008
Tyler

i hate that the hero always lives. i wish that they could make the heros die sometimes. the movies are always pretictable because nothing happens to the hero. like spider-man 3 the commercials was like this could be the end of spider-man u know hes not going to die. but the part when harry and venom dies was unexpected they need to have that in more movies.

Jul 7th, 2008
DIDOMAN.COM

Nice list…. How about the horror genre, they have heaps of cliche’,

Like you know there is a killer up stairs but you go up anyhow…

Jul 8th, 2008
Supernetuser

So how to write a movie without cliches? That can be hard but you want a fresh perspective after awhile. You want to write something unique as a writer but maybe there’s nothing unique left to write about. There may be no such thing as originality anymore.

http://www.kwanzoo.com

Jul 10th, 2008
Simon

I’ve grown tired of seeing Will Smith although I do like him.
Others also on my personal “sick and tired” of list:
Ben Affleck - he just might be as dull in his movies as he is in real life;
Katie Holmes - not that she’s got scads of film credits to her name, but even her name annoys me these days. The only thing worse could be hearing the compound (not to be confused with Scientology cults), “TomCat.”
Matt McConaughey - The shirtless wonder has lost his is overexposed in more ways than one. Time to put a new face up on the big screen; Matt’s face (and torso) are gettin’ old.
What’s her name - you know the one - Goldie Hawn’s daughter. The girl whose mouth just keeps on grinning (someone should stuff an apple in there the next time she opens wide for the cameras. Sheesh.)

Besides people, what’s to love in the movies besides just about nothing? Oh, wait: there is something: Special effects. Lots of ‘em. Otherwise, I can’t think of anything too special about what they’re showing at the movies nowadays.

Jul 11th, 2008
FaceTheWall

Here’s what is starting to get on my nerves in the movies.
References to the “Back Door,” used as innuendo for a sexual position or to denote gay sex.

And speaking of gay, I’m not a homophobe but do the producers need to hammer it through our heads any harder that Gay is OKAY? We’ve heard it, we’ve seen it, we know how they do it, and we don’t need the barrage of gay double entendres everywhere we turn.

The omnipresent “liberal” propaganda. Is it really necessary - or even clever? - to douse every creative film endeavor with not so covert messages about global warming and the horrors of war?

Jul 11th, 2008
JB

#1 Reminds me of one of my favorite films, The Movie Hero. Our hero tells his “love interest’s” boyfriend, and I Quote,

” Could you stop being a total loser? So many movies do that. It makes the love interest a part-loser for dating a total loser, therefore making our hero a part-loser because he wants to be with a part-loser dating a total loser.”

If anyone has seen it go to…

Jul 11th, 2008
JB

my youtube page
http://www.youtube.com/user/redsoxfan3418

Jul 11th, 2008
hillion

Nice list, and additions. Here are some that bug me:
1) Can you enhance this image of the license plate taken with a phone camera from a mile away? Yes, let me hit this key, and there you have it! A perfectly legible license plate number! You can’t add resolution to an image digitally. And what’s with the police computer budget in some of these towns? My town’s police department doesn’t have a room full of 60″ flat screens.
2) When ordering at a bar: “Gimme a beer.” Thanks, asshole! Can you be a little more specific?!
3) When traveling in space, the stars flash past the screen of the ship. Notice how the sun stays in the same spot in the sky when driving? We’re talkin’ millions of miles here!
Which brings up another space-related habit. When a planet explodes, there is nothing left where it once was. Wouldn’t there be debris and gases, and basically what makes up the rings of planets, floating around?

Jul 13th, 2008
Peter

(Type your comment here. Make sure you’ve read the commenting rules before doing so)

People in historical films (eg Romans) speak with British accents because American actors make it sound f*cking ridiculous e,g. Yonda lies da cassell of my faarder! - Tony Curtis - Black Shield of Falworth - need I say more?!!!!!!!!!

Jul 14th, 2008
Rach...x

Well, the popular girl is always blonde and rich in films and calls her Dad ‘Daddy’! with a jock boyfriend. Do I need to explain?

Jul 14th, 2008
james

1. Horror movies: bang up & bloody start then drag, drag, boo, drag, drag, boo

2. Over used formula: 1st 15 min to set up situation, next 75 min chasing

Jul 15th, 2008
Jamie

If the villain doesn’t blow the heross head off when he get the chance they put them in the shark tank, fine by me, i like allitle blood and gore in the movies i watch but don’t take AGES the lower them in! KICK THE SUCKER! don’t give him a chance to break free with a hidden knife in his belt!!

Jul 16th, 2008
Jamie

If the villain doesn’t blow the heross head off when he gets the chance they put them in the shark tank, fine by me, i like a little blood and gore in the movies i watch but don’t take AGES the lower them in! KICK THE SUCKER! Don’t give him a chance to break free with a hidden knife in his belt!!

Jul 16th, 2008
Jamie

If the villain doesn’t blow the heross head off when he gets the chance they put them in the shark tank, fine by me, i like a little blood and gore in the movies i watch but don’t take AGES the lower them in! KICK THE SUCKER!

Jul 16th, 2008
Davis

1. Wrong, many beautiful women actually do date complete jerks.

2. OK fine, but watching the bouncers toss a couple guys out unceremoniously is not as much fun as a battle royale. Plus, an equal number of movies have the entire bar crowd gather ’round and start chanting “fight! fight!”

3. Sex sells, mess doesn’t, unless we’re talking pornos. Get over it. It’s freaking movie.

4. This is a movie cliche that works. If things spontaneously blow up, the hero doesn’t get to save everyone and the movie is quite a downer.

5. Yes, in reality, getting shot in the shoulder leaves someone woefully disabled, but again, these are freaking movies we’re talking about. We have to see the hero get shot from time to time, but we don’t need the slowdown of rushing him to the emergency room. We would rather see him get an adrenalin rush and kick some more ass.

6. The reality is that lots of people in several professions do know morse code AND it doesn’t actually happen THAT often.

7. I have no clue what in the blue hell you’re talking about.

8. Usually this occurs in a situation wherein someone is afraid of being monitored, unless I’m misinterpreting your writing.

There is no 9 and 10 because you thought it was a clever joke.
It isn’t.

Jul 18th, 2008
chris

1. Someone crucial to the conviction of a villain is shot on the Court House steps yet nobody saw the killer’s face.

Reality: This never happens unless the killer is the evil No Face.

2. Two tough guys look at each other and remind each other that they go way back.

Reality: If they really go way back, Burt Reynolds doesn’t need to tell Sylvester Stalone that they go way back in a stinking auto race movie.

3. Someone questionable wearing a suit tucks into a dark room and tells another dark character on the phone, “I think we have a situation here.”

Reality: It’s a movie. The audience shouldn’t be shocked that there’s a situation.

4. Two characters accidentally fall on one another and suddenly (pling)…realize that they are in love.

The Reality: This never happens to The Batman.

5. A hero proclaims, “This ends here” followed by a roll of thunder.

The Reality: Real crime fighters and heroes don’t have drummers and thunder claps accompanying every triumphant statement.

6. Angelina Jolie as a super spy helping a nerd find his inner supper self.

The Reality: Someone decided to make NBC’s Chuck into a motion picture. What’s next? Holmes and Yoyo?

7. Homicidal criminals leave some people unharmed and most people walk away alive so the plot can move along to main characters.

The Reality: In my experience with homicidal criminals, this sort of thing never happens in Gotham City. The Joker will at least try to kill everyone and he never draws a knife without using it.

Yours truly

The Batman

8. Bruce Willis gets out of every situation without medical care.

The Reality: Even The Batman has to stop long enough to apply stitches. Jesus.

9. Someone uses old songs from the 70’s in a movie to hopefully make it quirky.

The Reality: A Barry Manilow song was not a great choice for HellBoy 2 unless they planned on making fun of Barry Manilow in some way. Example: One of the characters remarks about how fitting it is for a creature from hell to sing a Barry Manilow song

10. Dunderheaded people that say “awesome”.

Reality: It happens too much for no good reason along with stopping at 8. ha ho.

Jul 18th, 2008
Paul

Between Dark Knight and Jumper, the ship has sailed on childhood love interests.

Jul 19th, 2008
Lee Bosch

Responding to IAN from June 18, 2007. There was a very very good reason why movies and especially TV began using the “555″ telephone exchange. If a number which is or seems real is used, at least 6,000,000 freaks with nothing better to do will try calling that number as soon as possible — even the next commercial break. It is my understanding that “555″ is not an active exchange in any area code in the country. Therefore, the possibility for prank or obsene phone is dramatically reduced…as is the liability of the producers.

Jul 19th, 2008
Lee Bosch

BTW: I do agree that the cliches and formulas used in films can be laughable at times….but try watching a few foreign films where these conventions are missing.

Jul 19th, 2008
Sergio

In an adventure movie such as the Mummy, Indiana Jones, National Treasure and such, there’s always a character has the job of saying something funny to ruin the tension.

Is it just me, or the phrase “Everything you know is about to change” appears in every trailer nowadays?

Jul 20th, 2008
Bryan

1. All action movies happen at night. Harldy ever in the day time.

2. Aliens always lose no matter how powerful they are. (Independence Day, War of the Worlds, Galactus in Fantastic 4: rise of the silver surfer.) Could be more.

3. Chuck Norris and his infinite ammo gun.

3. Rambo and his super accurate bow and arrow shooting.

4. Bad guy shoots up good guys car. its all bullet riddled and has flat tires and runs so good.
Good guy shoot bad guys car once and it expoldes.

5. Superman Returns movie: Lex has kryptonite, stabs Superman and lets him fall of a cliff. Superman returns and beats Lex. DONT LET HIM FALL!! cut his throat, stab him some more, and watch him die so you can take over the world.

6. Steven Segall movies: sometimes you never see him punch a guy. He runs up and the guy falls down.

7. The President or other important person gets shoved off a bridge or boat into the water. they yell “I CANT SWIM!!”.

Jul 20th, 2008
The Batman

1. Any romcom. They ALL follow the same storyline and one can usually predict presicely whats going to happen.

Reality- You get in a fight like that, you break up and never speak again.

2. Any “nick of time” business. In a sports movie, the game-winning point is scored with mere seconds left. The bomb is diffused just in time. The hero makes his flight by mere inches. Its old, let it die. Stuff doesn’t magically resolve in the last few seconds.

Reality- Either you get your way early on and thats that, or the bomb kills you. Rarely are problems resolved just in time.

3. Cars. Rarely are there no keys in the car. In horror movies, every car stalls. In any movie basically ever, when someone parks, they don’t turn the car off and take the keys out. (sometimes they don’t even shift to park) the simply open the door and get out. (which might explain why the keys are always in them)

Reality- If the car isn’t yours, you’re not driving away in it. ALWAYS make sure you have enough gas to get to the creepy shed and back. And its never a good idea to let your car slowly creep away while you’re gone because its still in drive and the keys are in the ignition.

4. Guns. Most any bad guy with even a full automatic will mis every time. But of course the hero always hits with his single shot pistol (dispite never holding a gun before)

Reality- If you’ve never used a gun before, you’re probably about as accurate as someone who’s half blind. And if you’re up against some people who have assault rifles, theres not much chance left for you.

5. Glass. In lots of chase scenes, you see the chasee run down a hallway and dive through a window, which shatters neatly and doesn’t leave cuts.

Reality- That glass isn’t moving and you just ran full-on into it. Even if the glass was cracked and did break, you have a bunch of deep painful cuts and your running days are over for a while.

6. Sparks. Computer overloads. Sparks everywhere. Bullets are shot at a car or basically anything. A nice PTWANG sounds and you have a nice glowing shower.

Reality- Most computer meltdowns are characterized only by it not working and the rest is usually black smoke. Sparks don’t just come out of nowhere. And if you’ve ever seen a bullet hit another metal object, there’s a dull thud and a dent. No movie magic.

Jul 21st, 2008
Lee Bosch

Many years ago my ex-wife used to always complain about the movies using the wrong equipment on horses — wrong bit, wrong saddle, ect. She was quite expert on the topic and just assumed that everyvody else would or should care. Most of these things can be amusing when they are overused. But they do serve a purpose. For those trully insist on 100% accuracy or true to life portrayals I might suggest a subscription to Swedish Netflix and maybe a little something to keep you awake until the end.

Jul 21st, 2008
Well, Jack

I hate when people have been in the hospital for days, and just happen to die during a poignant conversation with the main character.

Jul 21st, 2008
ian

1. “i hear a noise down stairs(upstairs,out side,etc) let me go check without weapons of course what it is. i mean com on in the real world i would have a shot gun and a steak knife.

2. bad guy use’s up 50 rounds of ammo at point blank rage and misses. REALLY i could shoot better then them.

3.”im about to blow up the city lets put u right next to the bomb and leave you in an easily escapable situation. and of course you have ten minutes until BOOM NOT HAPPENING IN REAL LIFE

Jul 21st, 2008
Courtney

1. In horror flick wannabe’s- the victim is mostly female, and is in some skimpy outfit. Serioiusly people! Not all women would just stand there and LET something happen. Me personally, even in fear I’d knock the crap out of ANYBODY that tried to lay a hand on me in harm. And not ALL women dress that flippin trashy in reality. In fact, MOST women don’t.

Jul 22nd, 2008
Bert Boot

How about: Whenever there is a film that involves a leader of many men - say an army, the leader has to go into some big inspiring speech before they win the day. I bet it never happened, partly because in a lot of situations the big leader may not have been in the battle itself but mostly because when your trying to shout out a message to 50000 soldiers with helmets on in the middle of a desert or Scottish highlands etc. the guys at the back can’t hear anyway.

William Wallace: “…..to show that they’ll never take our freedoooom!”
Guy in the fifth row from the back: “Sorry Will, yeah up here mate…..sorry, didn’t hear a word of that. Am I attacking the left flank or right?”

Jul 22nd, 2008
sanjoy alexander

car chases

cliche - the hero’s car is built like a tank…no matter how much it gets damaged it still goes on like a rocket…the baddie’s cars are flimsy and blow up if somebody lights a match inside!!!

reality - you know better…hire an NYC cab if you don’t

Jul 22nd, 2008
Bert Boot

Oh yeah - an extra bit on your car chase thing.
No matter what vehicles are being used in the chase they will alway be evenly matched or even the chaser will be quicker.
A classsic example is in the new film ‘Wanted’. Our hero’s are driving a Dodge Viper and the person chasing is in a what can only be described as a box on wheels - some sort of truck. Naturally the V10 of the very fast muscle car can somehow not pull away from the truck. Yeah right!!

Jul 22nd, 2008
Melissa

(Type your comment here. Make sure you’ve read the commenting rules before doing so)

Jul 25th, 2008
The Batman

Oh to add to my previous post, ALL bad guys are wearing suits and/or sunglasses.

WTF why?

Jul 26th, 2008
nautica

and why in pornos are the guys’ shlongs 10 inches and longer? i mean is this reality???

Jul 26th, 2008
The Common Dominator

9. REMAKES OF “CLASSICS”……First of all I need to define “classic” and this should probably not be on this list but I need to vent after reading all of this it made me stew….Your opinion of a classic movie may not be the same as me but hopefully we can agree this is a travesty and needs to STOP NOW!!!

The Longest Yard with Burt Reynolds was fine but some buffoon somewhere thought it needed to be updated and boy did it as now I can find 30 copies in the sale bin of the latest Adam Sandler one and none of the Original…..HMMM I wonder why?

The Warriors - In my opinion a classic due to timing etc…..DOES NOT NEED TO BE REMADE…PERIOD…the original could hold up today….

Revenge of the Nerds - first any movie made in the last 25 to 30 years should automatically have a NO REMAKE TAG as it is too soon…..this movie was good as is and any attempt to change it to fit your liking is horrible

u know what i am trying to say and i could go on….

Why do studios feel the need to “update” the movie? Do they think they could do a better Job? obviously they do but in the end it is garbage…..

10. The one shot kill or the one punch knock out……why does everyone else not getting paid more than 5 bucks and a hot can of schlitz subscribe to this but the “main” characters punch someone and they are out or shoot them and they fall down and that is it……and let me emphasize that movies have gotten a lot better with not making it so ridiculous but it still happens and i want it to happen to will smith……

that is all for now……going to think up some more but this has got me thinking

Jul 27th, 2008
Nick

Great list - very funny. 9 times out of 10 the bad guy is English, and with a very dodgy English accent. Americans always save the day

Jul 27th, 2008
John

I’m sick of characters vomiting as an emotional response to everything. I think we’ve all seen something horrible and not puked. Particularly, when the vomit inducer is not even something disgusting physically, like discovering a dead body: i.e. the character finds out their significant other is leading a double life and, next thing you know, they’re spewing in a trash can. This is the equivalent of ipecac?!? I think not.

Jul 28th, 2008
Kathy

What i hate the most in movies is that the loser wich everyone hate and is is like the uglyest guy in earth turns out to be really cool and so damn hot when we remove his glasses and change his clothes …i mean LOSERS ARE LOSERS theres nothing to do about it!!

Jul 29th, 2008
Mongo

The power line from the hero before they kill the villan, or right after. I.E. Terminator!!! “Your terminated fucker!!” Or in one of the halloween movies “Trick or Treat Motherfucker!!!” You get what I’m saying.. And the dumb bitch who goes into the room when she KNOWS the killer is in there.

Jul 30th, 2008
James

Lobolover: “Aliens can all speak English”.

Haha, true.

Here’s some, with example films:

Walking away from explosions without so much as a jump. I mean, you would at least FLINCH! (Iron Man, nearly every Bond film).

The President and the government are completely clueless, and it’s up to a small group of civilians to save the planet, occasionally with the help of an advanced race. (Transformers).

Every pirate film has at least one character with either a pegleg, an eyepatch, a tricorn hat. Also, at least 7 uses of the word ‘Aye’, usually spoken in a gruff voice. The main pirate with the softer voice NEVER says ‘aye’. (Pirates of the Caribbean, Treasure Island).

Machines taking over the Earth. A small band of humans gather and fight back. Usually involves some manner of giant computer. (Terminator, The Matrix).

‘Abort’ buttons. usually big, coloured red, placed where the hero can reach it. (Austin Powers).

The Reset Button. Also known as ‘retconning’. The term refers to a plot device that reverses, rewinds or undoes the catastrophic events that happened during the film/show. The main characters ALWAYS remember. (Every single series finale of Doctor Who).

Aug 2nd, 2008
fishgul69

lol, I did appreciate the list. these are my thoughts:

1. abt shooting the hero and braggin abt your plans (which I thought was HILARIOUS kristina, I laffed till I cried), where would the story go? I agree that would open up more creative ways for some kind of hero to eventually stop the villain, but I think that’s the only way directors/story writers could even conceive of the audience knowing the villain’s plans half the time

2. the “no spunk after the hump” one was interesting, lol. but the thing I thought about was that for the sake of storytelling and for the movie to GET A MOVE ON, they don’t want to indulge in the couple cleaning up and such if it didn’t serve a specific purpose. but I have seen movies do the “after the deed refresher” scenes, so no realism isn’t dead yet.

3. abt the delayed info-made me laff alot, and I agree with that one, totally. that one always bugged me in the movies that had that cliche “why not tell ‘em now!!!” I would always scream, lol.

4. the “getting shot in the leg/shoulder and finishing the fight” bit isn’t entirely untrue. depending on where and how you were shot can affect your movements.

also, adrenaline helps, especially if something/one was important was worth fighting for-think of the stories of mothers doing great feats of strength to rescue their kids.

getting shot in the leg will not impair you for life, especially if you can get medical help in time.

5. (to add) I love/hate the cliche where, in a fight, the person getting shot/punched flies backwards and through a wall or window. I’ve been punched before and the most its made me do is probably make me lose my footing, but through a wall, never.

6. nearly all female aliens are sexy and do-able and are look somewhat human—come one-we seriously need to start re-imaging aliens, green face paint and an exotic hair do doesn’t cut it anymore

7 loving parents are often totally oblivious to the machinations of their strangely genius offspring. I don’t know abt you, but I grew up with a VERY open childhood with my mother until age 17. she knew what was up with alot of areas in my life-I really think she would have caught on that I was a secret villain or something, lol

8. this applies to kids movies: the bad guy is ugly in some physical form or fashion. now as an adult, I see that’s not true. this teaches them that anyone who has a disability, or visible scars and such are bad and need to be avoided, not helped, and that pretty people are good, not true.

9. the anti-hero is somewhat loveable. I’m sorry, but a jerks a jerk, thanks for saving my life, but change your attitude or piss off please

10. attractive, skimpy clad women in horror movies ALWAYS fall, even if they’re barefoot—WHAT?? I’ve been chased by dogs growing up and NEVER fell, that, in my 8 yo mind at the time was certain death.

11. the woman in the horror movie sees something shocking and screams-loudly. but the killer somehow doesn’t hear them, what??

12. its guaranteed that hiding mostly in plain sight will save your life-I laff at that with friends all the time.

anywho, thanks for the list, hope more ppl add to it, its a fun project

Aug 2nd, 2008
Dungaree Dog Bob

(Type your comment here. Make sure you’ve read the commenting rules before I just saw a preview for the new “Ice Cube” venture. He has finally made the “Urban” version of, “The Bad News Bears”, and/or, “The Mighty Ducks.”

Whoopee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! The world needs this…Seriously! We have to have something to laugh about, and what’s better than a feeble attempt at trying to seem original ,when, obviously, your movie is a blatant rip off of a CHEESY, “Little Kid”/”Underdogs win”, movie.

What crap.doing so)

Aug 2nd, 2008
Dungaree Dog Bob

I just saw a preview for the new “Ice Cube” venture. He has finally made the “Urban” version of, “The Bad News Bears”, and/or, “The Mighty Ducks.”

Whoopee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! The world needs this…Seriously! We have to have something to laugh about, and what’s better than a feeble attempt at trying to seem original ,when, obviously, your movie is a blatant rip off of a CHEESY, “Little Kid”/”Underdogs win”, movie.

What crap.g so)

Aug 2nd, 2008
Bryan

The underdog team always wins. They beat the team thats 100 times better and has the best equipment.

No matter how big the asteroid is, it will be destroyed. earth is saved.

T-Rex and Velociraptor’s are fast and can kill everyone but they are slow and clumsy when chasing the main characters.

Aug 2nd, 2008
TJ

My cliched pet peeves:

1) The villain always knows the hero’s personal cell phone number so he can make a threatening or taunting call. I can’t find out a person’s mobile number unless he gives it to me. (Corollary cliche: the phone battery never dies).

2) Everyone fights like a black-belt martial arts expert, and is unfazed by vicious hits to the head.

3) Thugs always fight the hero one at a time.

4) 120 pound woman kicking butt.

And the most common and aggravating cliche…

5) Hero has a sex-obsessed nerd buddy who can hack into any system anywhere in just a few moments. Corollary cliche #1: no matter where he is in the world, the nerd always has a wireless connection with lightening-fast T3 speeds. No long screen refresh times for our horny geek. Corrolary cliche #2: the “downloading (or deleting) progress bar that crawls along while the bad guys are closing in, which always finishes just in time.

Aug 3rd, 2008
Really...

Boobs, for no reason. I hate that. Its just appealing to the male demographic, mostly teenage boys or guys who are pathetic enough to focus on nothing but boobs. There is more to life.

Aug 5th, 2008
Chris Cwej

Lasers that can be seen as bars of light in a perfectly clear room - no, you can’t see laser unless the room is smokey or full of dust.

Protective laser beams in a quirky, haphazard pattern which you can miraculously backflip through - want to protect something with a laser? Just have a load of them parallel and close together, no backflipping possible.

Radiation causing mutations that give you superpowers - no, it kills you, usually slowly and nastily.

Every single piece of information is available on the internet - very little information on the net is useful or accurate

People who get shot fly backwards from the force - no they just drop to the ground and bleed a lot

When people check their e-mail, you never see long lists of spam with appalling spelling in the subject - even with filters I seem to get tonnes, either that or the junk folder has a three digit number next to it

If you’re gay, you’re automatically camp, outrageous and are in capable of having a monogamous relationship - no, most gay people aren’t like this and relationships do happen

The world will always end at midnight (local time) or occasionally noon - important things happen at random times

In films, aliens always invade america first. In british sci fi they always invade England, nearly always London - Aliens clearly have taste but no desire to start their plans from anywhere other than the major English speaking countries

Aug 6th, 2008
chris

Kevin Costner plays a hero with a heart of gold. (Sound of person yawning all the moisture out of head)

Aug 7th, 2008
chigurh

No 1: so, so true…

Aug 7th, 2008
Robert

Here’s one that kills me:

When the bad guy is shown for the entire movie as being amazing with a sword or other weapon and at the end, the hero fights him with the same weapon and wins, EVEN THOUGH HE’S NEVER USED A SWORD IN HIS FUCKING LIFE.

Aug 8th, 2008
Geneva

Someone is getting shot and everyone thinks he is dead. But then he opens his eyes again and rips his shirt open so that everyone can see that he is wearing a bullet-proof vest. Because if he didn’t show his vest people would think he’s immortal.

Aug 10th, 2008
Geneva

AND THEN he’s taking it off, because there’s no way in hell that anyone would shoot at him AGAIN.

Aug 10th, 2008
CrikeyMate

Computers in movies are always so unrealistic, and especially when they show a characters who is supposed to be a hacker, and in the process of hacking a system they show him fucking around with some 3-D graphics on screen. Like in swordfish, man that shits me, how dumb do they think the audience is? Oh thats right, dumb as fuck, thats why the cliches exist.

Aug 12th, 2008
Billie_B

For all of you gunplay fans…

How about the main villain and main good guy riddling everyone and everything with bullets using guns with InfiniteAmmo(tm) and then when they fire at each fire point blank, their clips are suddenly dry?

Aug 13th, 2008
Mercy

You know another cliche that makes me mad?

In horror movies (mostly modern ones), there are always things/people/writings in the bathroom mirror. Normally people show up just after someone got out of the shower. It’s just NOT much of a surprise anymore. No originality there.

Directors: Take away the mirrors and bring something new to the screen!

Aug 15th, 2008
mike

shia lebouf.

Aug 16th, 2008
Omar

Number 1, it happens all the time in superheroes movies such as Spider-Man, and others. And number 5, this is funny, you see the hero that gets hit by a bullet in the middle of the movie and continues up to the end and he kills everyone.

Aug 18th, 2008
james

I hate the fact that the Bad guy always feels the need to explain his plan to the Good guy right before he “kills him”, and then Good guy gets free by some miracle and stops him. Why can’t the hero ever figure out the plan himself?

Aug 19th, 2008
djmas1

I agree with all, except #5. I was shot in the back of the leg, directly behind my knee. The bullet lodged there, and I walked a few blocks before the cops stopped me and contacted the medics. I didn’t bitch until the docs removed the bullet, that was the hard part. (No pain killers, ouch!)

Aug 19th, 2008
The Common Dominator

The DUMB Matrix jump you see in many movies now and especially in cartoons…..

the same CCR song “fortunate son” in every war type movie…

heat blasts such as the one in independence day that melt everything within a few blocks but not a dog or and engulfed airplane carrying the president….

Aug 23rd, 2008
Justin

1. When the protagonist is invited to a college party, the party is always completely insane, and full of hot girls who are ready to sleep with anyone.

2. The action star can jump from the roof of a building onto the bottom of a helicopter, and then not only can bullets not touch him, the helicopter pilot has no problem with this shift in balance.

3. No one ever notices that the sweet, nerdy girl is actually really hot until after we realize the popular girl is a rotten whore.

4. The band on stage will sound exactly like the studio recording, regardless of the way the singer’s lips are moving.

5. If the writer to a comedy can’t figure out a good ending, something completely random will happen (everyone will burst into song, etc)

6. A small woman who turns out to be the biggest, baddest badass ever.

Aug 23rd, 2008
SlashBeast

- Vehicles will ALWAYS explode when they crash.
- Movie characters are almost always only children and the rare chance they do have a sibling they are always of the same gender as them.
- If a charcter has or receives facial scars or disfigurement they will automatically become evil.
- Whenever someone on the phone says “tell me where you are and I’ll come get you” it always means they are working with the enemy.
- If a soldier in a war film shows a picture of his girlfriend/wife or other loved ones then death is automatically guaranteed.

Aug 25th, 2008
mike

(Type your comment here. Make sure you’ve read the commenting rules before doing so)
The police chief is always a black guy
There is always a woman conducting the police operation who is unattached and lives alone.

Aug 28th, 2008
mike

The current trend of holding hand guns sideways while shooting.

Aug 28th, 2008
mike

The hero in the bar always gets served immediately
“Gimme a beer”
The Bartender will never say “wait your turn,I got customers ahead of you”

Aug 28th, 2008
bunny

The one cliche i hate is that a nerdy character will always HAVE TO get a makeover in order to win a love interest.

Aug 29th, 2008
mike

In a horror flick the characters are always high school seniors and the lead character who is always the most popular kid in the school always has a nerd as his friend.

Aug 30th, 2008
mike

You never see anyone lock their car.

Aug 30th, 2008
mike

How many times have you heard car tires squealing when its raining and the road is wet NONE right? but you do in movies.!

Aug 30th, 2008
Caleb

“First art imitates life. Then life will imitate art. Then life will find it’s very existence from the arts.” - (Good ol’ Fyodor).

Read through the postings up to today. Thought provoking.

For anyone who reads this far, here’s my thought:

—-

We list the things we’re sick of seeing in the movies. Fundamentally things (listed above) that are unrealistic in life (ie: the no mess after a romp (#3). Makes me wonder if it’s not aspects of the movies like this that attract us most.

The idea of story moving beyond an imitation of life, into a sort of more convenient reality. A sort of elevation of experience.

I just finished watching the film “Festival in Cannes” and found it a worthwhile watch. Yet, it was aspects of it’s reality that seemed to leave the film flat, without the afterglow of the power of story-magic.

So yeah.

Aug 31st, 2008
juxtorpass

haha
anyone seen the war cliche?
anyone that shows you their pictures of family/spouse/children
= dead before movie’s end.

Sep 3rd, 2008
Doug

The Dark Knight - It was handy that a military vehicle (tumbler) also had a motorbike!

Sep 5th, 2008
SlashBeast

- In the future, military soldiers will wear highly complex, elaborate and powerful body armor to aid and protect them, but nobody will ever bother to wear a helmet.
- Dogs always know who is evil and will always bark at the bad guy.
- Horror movie villains are invinsible.

Sep 5th, 2008
Watch Full Free Legal Movies Here

I never thought of that one “digital count down clocks” in a bomb. kindof dumb ‘eh. Where’s the suspense without the ‘oh crap’ moment?

Sep 7th, 2008
andrew

number 5 is the best. the only person that can throw down some action after being shot is our governor. Arnold KIcks ass! (sarcasm)

Sep 7th, 2008
Matt

How about when a major movie star plays a stripper and she DOESN’T STRIP!

Sep 8th, 2008
Jim

All bridges rope falls

Sep 8th, 2008
Eleni1004

i) The hero/heroine is trying to escape or to go fast to a point “A”, but for some reason he doesn’t have a car. So, he enters the first car he sees (if it’s a thriller, usually it’s the killer’s car) and he starts looking for the car key which the owner conveniently has left in the cupboard or on the sun visors!!

ii) a different version of the i: if the hero can’t find the car key or for any reason he has lost his car key, the solution is very simple: he pulls two cables just under the steering wheel (usually one is red and the other is black), he brings them close and instantly the car’s engine is on !

iii) in rom coms, the girl decides in the church, in her wedding dress, in front of the priest and all the family that the man is just about to get married is not suitable for her, so she cancels everything and she leaves with the hero.

Sep 9th, 2008
julieboomer

The character that you suspect the least, usually a nice blond and innocent looking woman, is actually the ‘villain’…

Sep 19th, 2008
thecloudsarebleeding

There are two cliches which always seem to bother me and they both have to do with the opening of a film: #1. Water - it seems like almost EVERY movie begins with a shot a flowing water (a river, lake, ocean, waterfall etc.). I’d guess about 25% of movies that i’ve seen begin like this. #2. The Character Awakens - Similar to a movie opening with a shot of water, the second most overused opening is when the film begins with a character waking up.

Although these may be considered “small” or “unnoticeable” cliches, seeing these shot being used bugs me eveytime.

Sep 23rd, 2008
Suttree

It’s never dark in the woods at night. There’s always that radiating blue glow coming from behind a tree, from behind a rock, or from just over the hill, conveniently backlighting the characters in eerie shafts of light and illuminating the woods so the characters don’t get lost.

Sep 23rd, 2008
WildNSpirited

(Type your comment here. Make sure you’ve read the commenting rules before doing so)

Okay, I agree with many of you so far, but here are some of the things that annoy me:

1. These new “righteous kill” movies, like in Hunted, where now its okay to kill the bad guy because someone has to do it. So now the bad guy is really the good guy, wait… the bad guy is really the good guy… oh never mind…

2. A liitle feminism: Of course the geek has to always be “made over,” just to disciver that she was fine the way she was, or the love interest was a jerk. But does she go back to the original way?

3. More feminism: A woman being able to kick as guy’s butt can happen (I am a martial artist,) but does she have to be dressed as a whore? Really if it is below freezing outside the last thing I want to be wearing is a thong.

4. Why is is that the “token woman” of a group (two guys and a girl,) will somehow come in between the two, or she will automatcally be the girlfriend of the main character. Can she just be one of the guys or is this society’s way of making sure she isn’t assumed to be a lesbian.

okay went too far there….

5. speaking of the “token” this or that, why is it that movies will go out of there way to have a minority (e.g. two whites ans a black,) but the whites will almost go off and have their own adventure, while the minority will be cheering from the sidelines.

6. Why are almost all the heroes white male (overly- cliche) What I mean is, this is America, and we need more Hispanic, Asian, etc, Heroes

Sep 27th, 2008
WildNSpirited

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Okay, I agree with many of you so far, but here are some of the things that annoy me:

1. These new “righteous kill” movies, like in Hunted, where now its okay to kill the bad guy because someone has to do it. So now the bad guy is really the good guy, wait… the bad guy is really the good guy… oh never mind…

2. A liitle feminism: Of course the geek has to always be “made over,” just to disciver that she was fine the way she was, or the love interest was a jerk. But does she go back to the original way she was before? Also how about the “slob” that lives in his mother’s basement, with no job but can easily score the most beautiful woman in the room by the end of the movie and he has not changed at bit?

3. More feminism: A woman being able to kick as guy’s butt can happen (I am a martial artist,) but does she have to be dressed as a whore? Really if it is below freezing outside the last thing I want to be wearing is a thong.

4. Why is is that the “token woman” of a group (two guys and a girl,) will somehow come in between the two, or she will automatcally be the girlfriend of the main character. Can she just be one of the guys or is this society’s way of making sure she isn’t assumed to be a lesbian.

okay went too far there….

5. speaking of the “token” this or that, why is it that movies will go out of there way to have a minority (e.g. two whites and a black,) but the whites will almost go off and have their own adventure, while the minority will be cheering from the sidelines.

6. Why are almost all the heroes white male (overly- cliche) What I mean is, this is America, and we need more Hispanic, Asian, etc, Heroes and more women too!

7. why is it always America that comes up with the solutions to world problems (Independence Day?)

8. Everyone else has touched on great points… I am glad for the opportunity to post my thoughts…

Sep 27th, 2008
chicagoboy888

I’m a guy who has always looked young for my age since I was in high school.

So growing up watching these grown ass muthafuckas playing 15 year olds I used to think well what the fuck is wrong with me. You know, getting 30 year olds to play teenagers.

Thank goodness this cliche has died down a lot nowadays, cuz it used to fuck with me back when I was a teen.

Sep 28th, 2008
SlashBeast

1 - Never EVER insult, reject or fire someone. If you do then they’ll suddenly gain great intellect, resources and new found power to exact their over-the-top revenge on you.
2 - There’s always a crowbar or chainsaw available when necessary.
3 - Car’s are extremely reliable machines, EXCEPT in movies where they’ll never start in the moment of danger.
4 - You can apparently hack into ANY computer system and it’s so easy a 6-year old could do it.
5 - Sequels to superhero films always have multiple villains.

Sep 28th, 2008
dto1984

As mentioned before, computer programs almost never look like real functional computer programs, and they always display explanatory text on the screen while they are doing something Corollary#1: Digital pictures, when blown up, never decrease in quality; they just momentarily pixelate and then appear in larger form. Corollary #2: Important items are always labled so they are easy to find (i.e a box of explosives is helpfully labled “Explosives.”).

Sep 30th, 2008
ddog

i love the one bout having sex. that was hilarious. i always thought the same.

Oct 5th, 2008
Dusty

Accents. Accents that are so bad they’re funny.

Why can’t they just hire a person from country X who has the correct accent, instead of hiring a B-grade actor and trying to teach him the accent of country X? Or just hire a person from country X to teach the B-grade actor the accent?

Honestly, what do they do - sit them down in front of a travel documentary and say, “you’re going to talk like THIS guy”?

Oct 6th, 2008
Angie

I can’t take when someone gets shot and “dies,” then pops up a few minutes later and magically had some tiny bulletproof metal object right in that exact spot that the bullet hit. happens time and time again and it annoys me so much

Good list, i appreciated it

Oct 8th, 2008

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