The Great Geek Manual posts:
Every since J.K. Rowlings revealed the title of the seventh and final installment in the Harry Potter series, speculation over how the series will end has been flying thick and fast. However, I predict that, like many other twists in the series, you won’t see the end coming.
7. Voldemort finally reveals the truth to Harry, “Dumbledore told you I killed your father. He lied! I, Voldemort, am your father!” Hermione later turns out to be Harry’s long lost twin sister.
6. Harry retrieves the final five Hoarcruxes, only to enter into an amicable agreement with Voldemort whereby they postpone their showdown for seven more books.
5. Dumbledore returns, cloaked in robes of white, at which point the estate of J.R.R. Tolkien intervenes and the rest of the book is withheld by a court ordered injunction.
4. After learning the truth of the prophecy as told to Harry by Dumbledore, Neville Longbottom decides to take matters into his own hands. He neatly finishes off Voldemort in one book, then seriously fucks up Harry for stealing the seven book franchise that should have been his to begin with.
3. After waiting a decade for conclusion of the saga of the Boy Who Lived, millions of fans around world wait in line the night before the release of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows only to receive a notice that the final book will not be made available to the public until J.K. Rowlings is made the new reigning monarch of England. The British parliament has a good laugh … until the fighting breaks out.
2. Harry Potter does indeed die, and, as in all British literature, the butler did it. That’s right. Doby finally shows his true colors.
1. In a satellite-broadcast world event, J.K. Rowlings appears before her millions of fans on the night before the announced release of “Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows”, holds her hand-written manuscript aloft, and in one supreme demonstration of the disdain she holds for all of her readers, casts the manuscript into a great cauldron of fire, declaring, “Now, you’ll NEVER know how it ends, you little bastards!”
“Seven Endings you didn’t See Coming for Harry Potter Seven” was written by Pipedreamergrey and originally posted to The Great Geek Manual. It may be reposted so long as this notice remains intact. Copyright 2007 Pipedreamergrey.
19 Comments, Comment or Ping
Kristina
An entire posting about Harry Potter and no perverted jokes about Hermione? I’m proud!
Jan 27th, 2007
shane razey
Uwe Boll to direct? There are video games out about Harry Potter.
That is all he requires for his “Satan’s Touch.”
(Insert insane crazy music for effect here.)
.
God I just scared myself there for a minute with that thought.
I need a drink now.
Jan 27th, 2007
frankwolftown
I coiuld totally see the #1 ending there happening.
Jan 27th, 2007
Marco Shimomoto
Queen of England? She can tackle the whole world!
It would be like a zombie movie, but they would kill until they read the book.
Jan 27th, 2007
Lou_Sytsma
Like all term projects, the conclusion will not live up to fan’s expectations.
Jan 27th, 2007
Mozzerino
hehe
“After waiting a decade for conclusion of the saga of the Boy Who Lived, millions of fans around world wait in line the night before the release of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows only to receive a notice that the final book will not be made available to the public until J.K. Rowlings is made the new reigning monarch of England. The British parliament has a good laugh … until the fighting breaks out.”
I could sooo see that happening!
Jan 28th, 2007
Sean
I like the idea of #4; the whole mess was because all the heavy hitters just assumed it had to be Harry. Either that or D.D. knew the whole time and protected H.P. ’cause he knew V.M. was a total loon.
Jan 28th, 2007
Meli
LoL! That was good for a chuckle. #4 is definitely my favorite!
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Ben
Ok i figured id write an ending for it.
..As harry lay bleeding voldemort stood over him and asked for his final words “You may know every spell there is to know” said harry “but i know one thing you dont” just as he said this harry pulled out his colt 1911 designed by god through his prophet John Moses Browning and fired a single 230gr .45 caliber slug in to voldemort head. As the round impacted harry saw brains and skull fragments fly everywhere and cover the celing. Then harry stands he remarked in his annoying british accent “well s**t, i should have done that 6 books ago.” he then used a cure minor wounds potion and went to the nearest strip club to get wasted.
THE END!
Jul 18th, 2007
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