April 28th, 2005 -- Written by Rodney
Hahaha… ok… do you really need to read any further? Does anyone out there seriously have any doubt to the quality of xXx 2: State of the Union? Well… for those of you living in Never Never Land let me clue you in. THIS MOVIE WAS DOOMED TO SUCK FROM THE MOMENT IT WAS THOUGHT UP.
The reviews are coming in, and predictably they aren’t pretty at all…. downright horrible actually. And none of us should be surprised. I mean come on!!! Who can buy Ice Cube as an action star? I don’t mean to insult the guy’s physical condition… he’s probably in better shape than me… but you don’t see me appearing in Rambo 4 do you?
Anyway, here are some of the choice cuts from the critics that are available so far. Expect more of the same to come:
“A salt-lick for under-hung jackasses.”
- Walter Chaw, FILM FREAK CENTRAL“Burdened by Ice Cube and Sunny Mabrey masquerading as actors, awful, loud rap music and idiotic stunts, this clearly qualifies for the stupid genre.”
- Tony Medley, TOLUCAN TIMES“The movie appears to have employed a Super Nintendo as its screenwriter, and it boasts all the elegance and character development of a Transformers episode.”
- Phil Villarreal, ARIZONA DAILY STAR
Stick a fork in this one. It will make some money because it’s the only real “guy” action flick that will be out at the moment of it’s release… but expect word of mouth to get around and then watch the box office numbers go down faster than a High School cheerleader on prom night.
Posted in 
At least with the release of the latest Batman Begins Trailer online, no one has to go sit through XXX just for that. :-)
Vic
i rather have the highschool cheerleader go down on me on prom night. :p lol
haha, I love reading things critics come up with for bad movies.
Written by a super nintendo? heh
-Owl
it was a ________________ movie
***DANGER***
This movie will cause you to enter a persistant vegitative state. I had to pick bubble gum from underneath my seat just to maintain contious thought. Ice Cube is a no talent Ass Clown. He should be drawn and quartered, and then quickly consumed by Kirstie Alley. If option A is not available, he should ride Harry Potter’s broomstick straight to Hell with Hayden Christensen. I have violent flashbacks and post tramatic stress syndrome every time I enter a movie theather because of these two [explicitve deleted]. But yeah, what’s even more disturbing, is that they left this steamer open for a sequal. My only hope is that God will smite all who were associated with this blasphemous anal abortion of a movie.
It is my expert financial oppinion that the frugal movie-goer would be better off cleaning his rectum with six dollars than going to see this film. I reproach myself for paying to see this pile of puke and thus contributing to the fall of humanity.
I call for a Jihad against Ice Cube for being a brain infected, disconnected, ding dong dummy. Because of his contribution to this specimine of fecies on film and the decline of western civilization, XXX: State of the Union has snuffed out the flames of Hell and has taken their place as the supreme eternal retribution against the damned.
In retrospect I would have been better off committing myself to living off a steady diet of back hair and toe nails than sitting through this nearly two hour long compilation of bad one-liners and half-assed special effects. A four-year old with a see-and-say could produce better visuals.
Dialogue with Hellen Keller would surpass this festering oral blister. Steven Hawking would be less monotone than Ice Cube and the frequent reference to Tupac serves as a poor attempt for the white yuppy bastards who made this film to relate to the African American community.
I personally would like to extend my deepest condolences to Willem Dafoe. You will always be a convincingly homosexual detective to me.
I would rather eat a decroded piece of crap than watch the preview for the third installment of this cinematographic travesty.
I only hope that some day all copies of this film will be lost in the second Great Flood intended to rid the world of idiocy and Ice Cube. In God’s name we pray.
So Please, save yourself the pain and suffering. Stay at home and eat a camel fetus stuffed with ebola ridden feces and vomit, harvested beneath the fingernails of Rosanne Arnold, Hilary Clinton, Pee Wee Herman, and everyone’s favorite child molester - Michael Jackson.
Well….. that was funny ass hell.
Vin desil is my favorite actor and words can not express my
sorrow and anger that he was replaced in the sequil to an awsome
action movie by a short fat black guy with manboobs.
I havent seen this movie and dont intend to, I refuse to add my name to the undeservingly long list of people who have been “Burned by Ice Cube”.
May all those who contributed to this peice of shit suffer the horrible pain of prostate cancer. Amen!!
All you racist bastards can go to hell for real. While you trailer trash mafackas dream of the money Cube has.
Did ice cube put you up to this??