Today, by a landslide, the “Unwanted Bastard Child of Consumer Shopping Habits” award goes to: the ez-D. A wonderful product that gives me the dubious honour of saying:

Today, (actually yesterday because I’m staying up too late), even though Disney hasn’t released official numbers, retail outlets reported that the test-locations for the ez-D are selling about as well as 8-track tapes. And frankly, at the risk of sounding crass, I say “No F#@$ing S#!t.” Again, I sadly report that no one paid me 4 million dollars to see this coming from 140 fathoms away.

As I first mentioned MONTHS ago, the Disposable DVD was a concept put in motion by Flexplay, but financially backed by Disney. You buy it, watch it and 2 days later, the entire DVD is useless and you throw it away. Simple, straightforward and horribly dumb.

Here’s the funny part - the Motley Fool (www.fool.com) reported back on June 4th that Michael Eisner - the CEO of Disney himself - said of the Disposable DVD project “which I think probably won’t work.” WON’T WORK?!?! Ya Think?!?! But they did it anyway!!! Imagine being so wildly rich that you could pour millions of dollars into a project that you figure will flop regardless! - I can’t even get around this. Then again, that sounds remarkably similar to my college experience. Speaking of which, Michael - since you’ve literally got money to throw away, I have this Student Loan….

Either way folks, Motley Fool suggests you go out and buy one because they are future collector’s items. Or coasters. Like those AOL things.

I know you’re all probably busy reading up on Bennifer (Someone must be, they keep printing about it) - but I just thought I’d waste your precious time to tell you about a site that really kicks some serious fanny - and should be given a Peace Prize of some sort just for being so nifty.

How many times have you watched a trailer that had the most suited sounding music you’ve ever heard, and after seeing it, you simply HAD to know what song that was? Once? Eighty? ..Something…

Anyway, some guy who fancies himself a smartie-pants has set up a forum for exactly that purpose - People post what trailer they saw, and leave it to the hordes to answer - which they always do.

Ironically it’s called the Soundtrax Movie Trailer Forum - or Soundtrax 2.0, now that it’s on its newer server. It has helped me identify tons of stuff - a few of them below..

-The slow, too-calm-for-comfort music in the new “Dawn of the Dead” trailer (which is a fun little trailer by the way) - (It’s a Wonderful Life by Sparklehorse)
-The “Boom” hard-hitter tune in the Transporter and Italian Job trailer - (Ricochet by Bionic Jive)
-That quick thumper that EVERYONE was asking about in the Matrix Reloaded Trailer - (The Wonder of You by Andy Hunter)
-The typical yet catchy beat behind the Underworld Trailer - (Red Tape by Agent Provocateur)

Okay, so go add your two cents worth and cure that “I have to know…” itch you have stuck in your head.

I decided to take a break from studying for my Estates Law exam tomorrow morning and run out to catch a flick. We decided to take in Scary Movie 3. Wow. What a total and utter waste of my time. I don’t know why I even gave this one a chance. Don’t get me wrong, there are a number of moments in the film that made me laugh out loud. But those moments were few and far between. Most of the time the gags could be seen coming from a million miles away, or they were carried on WAAAAYYY too long and ruined the joke.

In a spoof comedy you don’t worry about the acting, direction, special effect, plot or any other important feature in a real movie√¢‚Ǩ¬¶ but it absolutely MUST be funny. Overall, Scary Movie 3 isn’t. After the movie was thankfully over I mentioned that if they took all the funny parts and made it into a half hour tv special it would have been great. Like I said, there were some hilarious moments√¢‚Ǩ¬¶ but nowhere near enough of them to keep me interested, and barely enough of them to keep me awake.

So use your money to go catch Kill Bill (a fantastic flick in my opinion) again.

Well, it may be piggybacking on the whole “Freddy vs. Jason” thing — wait a minute, of course it is……

- But for whatever reason, after years of “hey, I heard they were making an Alien Vs. Predator movie…”, it’s actually making its way into your life. Oh Joy.

Ain’t it Cool reports that there is, in fact, a Teaser Trailer for this cinematic slice of Gold showing in front of the Director’s Cut of Alien, being re-released into theatres this week. Granted, my curiousity could easily get the better of me on this one - especially since I’d probably go see Alien anyway. — Mind you the very same (and very long) article also reports that the teaser completely SUCKS and “will get more laughs than Freddy vs. Jason’s trailer”. (which I kinda liked in a “wow, that’ll be ridiculous” kinda way)

Predator should win hands down I say.

That Brendan Fraser has talent has never been a question. He got the ability, the look and the charm to be a legitimate A list actor in Hollywood someday soon. But the thing that I’ve personally noticed the most about Fraser is how highly everyone in Hollywood talks about him as a person and his character. USA Weekend Magazine did an interview with him where this really comes out. Among other things, Brendan talks about the chances of him being the next Superman.

Superman would be both interesting and heroic, and Fraser is giving thought to playing him. “I’m not sure that film is going to get made, so stay tuned,” he says. But he might like the role if the timing is right. The problem? “The actor who plays that role is forevermore identified as that character. Is it right for me? I don’t know.”

What is right for him is his family life in Los Angeles. While Hollywood peers are visiting strip clubs, entering rehab or conducting extramarital affairs, Fraser is a happily married homebody and a gushing new dad. “My heart is expanded nth-fold times 20 to the power of a million 10,” he says, showing me on his cellphone a picture of his red-headed boy. But he’s a practical dad as well — one who, because he’s had time off, can take Griffin to play dates or baby gym classes, or just hang out with him at home.

Fraser met his wife, Afton Smith, soon after he arrived in L.A. after his 1990 graduation from Seattle’s Cornish College of the Arts. It was at a barbecue at Winona Ryder’s house, and he was instantly smitten. “I knew I could combine my personal and professional ambitions and have a friend to be with in her. Five years later she did me the honor of being my wife.”

That’s typical of the reverential way in which he speaks of his wife. “He loves her so much,” says Jenna Elfman, his “Looney Tunes” co-star. “It’s very beautiful to watch a man’s love for his wife be expressed so tenderly. After the baby was born. I’d ask, ‘How’s she doing?’ and he’d say, ‘She’s feeling very tired, but I’ve never seen her look so beautiful’ — and she wasn’t right there.”

Read the whole interview here.

Something I’m surprisingly picky about are my opening credits. Sure, you could spends five bucks and put white letters on black and spell them out one at a time, but then you’d have to deal with the guilt of driving hundreds of people to the bottle while they watched them.

Opening Credits can be done so differently, that I wouldn’t be surprised if you saw some sort of award for “Best Opening Sequence” sneaking into one of the myriad of useless award ceremonies out there…(mumblemumble-mtv-mumblemumble) because it’s practically a whole art in and of itself.

David Fincher and Tim Burton are fantastic opening credits guys, add the Coen Borthers to that one after seeing Intolerable Cruelty.

Sometimes they’re shown on cards while an opening scene is developing like Requiem for a Dream.
Or Perhaps you’re shown a Kick-in-the-face action sequence with the final explosion kick-starting the credits like in The Rundown.
My personal favourite are themed credit openings, which capture the essence of the movie, but don’t necessarily hold essential parts of the story - Like Seven or Stigmata (Stigmata, I realize, sucked completely, but the opening credits were deadly.)
And then, next on my favourite list is when the opening credits are skipped completely - One of the few solid qualities of Independence Day.

Hollow-Man, besides redefining my future use of the word “Crap-tacular”, had absolutely brutal opening credits, so did Wesley Snipes’ “Art of War”. I’ve seen these movies once. YEARS ago. Never to be watched again, and the opening credits were SO BAD, I still remember their quality of Suck.

I’m sure there’s a billion more yawn-drawing opening credits out there.. in fact too many to mention is likely. Maybe if they DID make an award for them, it’d help, but then again, they already have an award for Best Picture and ‘Young Einsein’ still got made. Who knows.

Okay, someone help me out here…

At one point in time, I was all giddy in my pants about the North American release of Shaolin Soccer. The last I heard, Dimension had their grubby little “over-dub everything and use some new music” hands all over this thing, then I heard that it was being released “as-is” back in April, then on August 8th, then August 15th… Then…. I never heard about it again.

“Uhhh, I’ve never heard of it at all” you say. Well allow me to spell it out for those of you who are cursed with only knowing about North American movies. Shaolin Soccer is a shiny masterpiece out of Hong Kong. It’s actually funny on purpose instead of those ridiculous “kung-fu movies that are so cheesy, they’re funny” type of funny. Mind you, this movie *is* cheesy, yes, but it never takes itself too seriously and is done so deliberately well, you’ll sit there and wonder why on earth the silly butt-squirts haven’t released it yet in North America.

Granted, the DVD is cozily nestled on my shelf, but it’d be great to see this in the theatre, especially with grammatically correct sub-titles… Anyone know anything about the future of this little number? Cuz I don’t.

****************UPDATE*******************
Now I do……….
In Yahoo Movies, I found this summary of release dates… Ready for this?
July 19th, 2002
- - This was originally scheduled to open on April 5th, 2002, then, August 30th, 2002, and now sometime in the 1st quarter of 2003.
August 16th, 2002
- - This has been pushed back a little bit again, now to April 11th, 2003.
January 31, 2003
- - Miramax has bumped this back another four months to August 8th, 2003. That’s 16 months after its first target date.
June 23, 2003
- - Miramax has adjusted this movie a week, from August 8th to August 15th.
August 8, 2003
- - Miramax has dumped their plans on giving this film a wide release, going with a platform release starting on September 5th instead. As KungFuCinema.com reports, this decision comes with the news that Miramax has decided to go with the original dialogue (with subtitles) rather than doing an English dub.
September 2, 2003
- - Miramax has decided not to release this film this week after all, with no word now on when they might release it to the U.S. public. Might they now be considering sending it direct-to-video?
September 4,2003
- - Miramax is currently looking for a new release date in the 4th quarter of 2003.
October 8,2003
- - It appears that Miramax is now aiming for sometime in 2004 instead.

JUST RELEASE IT ALREADY, GEEZ!

OK, since no one else is willing to talk about it I will. In the tradition of the Muppet Christmas Carol and Muppet Treasure Island and after many years since we have seen a Muppet Movie on the big screen, (Muppets from Space 1999) our favourite actors with hands up their bums are back.

The Muppets will be retelling the story of the Wizard of Oz. Expect to see some notable celebrity as the role of Dorothy while the Muppets make up the remainder of the cast as they did in Treasure Island and Christmas Carol. But since a different studio owns the rights to all the music in the classic musical, don’t get your hopes up to hear any of those tunes.

It is a pity that the television variety show didn’t make the comeback that it deserved, but at least we can expect to see some of the same magic that keeps Kermit close to our hearts. (and Frank Oz employed after Star Wars: Episode 3 is finished)

The good folks over at Moviehole report:

Even after the critical bashing of √¢‚Ǩ≈ìBook of Shadows : Blair Witch 2√¢‚Ǩ¬ù √¢‚Ǩ‚Äú which was more a studio creation than anyone√¢‚Ǩ‚Ñ¢s √¢‚Ǩ‚Äú Dan Myrick and Ed Sanchez, creators of the √¢‚Ǩ≈ìBlair Witch Project√¢‚Ǩ¬ù seemed resolute to get their prequel movie made. It never happened. Talking to one half of the team today though, Myrick says it√¢‚Ǩ‚Ñ¢s still a possibility. √¢‚Ǩ≈ìNo movement on the √¢‚Ǩ≈ìBlair Prequel√¢‚Ǩ¬ù as of yet√¢‚Ǩ¬ù, he says. √¢‚Ǩ≈ìWe√¢‚Ǩ‚Ñ¢re prepared to√¢‚ǨÀúre-pitch√¢‚Ǩ‚Ñ¢ the idea to the √¢‚ǨÀúnew owners√¢‚Ǩ‚Ñ¢ of Artisan if and when the time comes. We√¢‚Ǩ‚Ñ¢d really like to do this film√¢‚Ǩ¬ù. The movie will address the legend behind the first film such as the original Blair witch, and the 1940’s serial killer of children mentioned in the first film.

Ok, I’ve met and talked with Ed Sanchez before, and I can honestly say he seems like a really nice guy… BUT. As good as the first Blair Witch Project was, the second was equally as awful. That film was so bad it actually scared me off of paying to see movies for about 2 months. Sanchez is a talented guy, so I can only hope he abandons the whole Blair Witch thing and pursues other projects.

No, Jim Carrey is not lowering his price tag. It would appear that he is is taking on the role of Steve Austen, the Bionic man. Superhero Hype reports:

Dimension Films will adapt the 1970s TV series The Six Million Dollar Man for a feature comedy to star Jim Carrey and to be directed by Todd Phillips. Phillips will team with his (“Old School”) writing partner Scot Armstrong to script a vehicle for Carrey to play the bionic man.

I am not sure how I feel about this. Apparently they are making the movie into more of a comedy rather than the action adventure the origninal TV series was. Over the years Carrey’s over the top aminated humour has worn a little thin on me, and I have enjoyed him more in his more dramatic roles (Truman Show, Majestic)

**SPECIAL NOTE: MATRIX REVOLUTIONS DIDN’T TURN OUT NEARLY AS GOOD AS THE EARLY REVIEWS SUGGESTED. SEE OUR NEW POST ON JOHN’S THOUGHT ABOUT REVOLUTIONS BY CLICKING HERE**

As side note before we get started, I’d like to say that I hate the individuals who get to see movies of this hype-level before me. No really, I mean real hate. Hate like a liver-and-onions hate.

The lucky pricks in question have posted Matrix Revolutions reviews here, on the site that knows everything, Aint It Cool News.

And before you start that “I didn’t like Reloaded” brain of yours, ALL of the Revolutions reviews are written by people who are like a lot of you out there, which is: Loved the first one, and didn’t like the second one. The movie apparently contains enough giddy fun to make the staunchiest Reloaded-hater restore faith in the trilogy again. Thank Goodness. But who am I kidding, you’re gonna end up seeing it anyway. Either way, you’ve got the link, go read up.

UPDATE - Folks, I shouldn’t have to say this, but if your comments contain minor or MASSIVE spoilers, Please INDICATE THAT YOU ARE DOING SO AT THE TOP OF YOUR COMMENT. Failure to do so will only get your post deleted and if continued, banned - because you’re essentially wasting people’s movie-going experience - which, in my opinion, is the worst thing on earth. - I should’ve posted this earlier as a lot of you have done it already, consider this announcment number 1

That said, ***DO NOT READ*** the first few pages of posts if you plan on watching the movie and haven’t yet.

I HATED Scary Movie 1 & 2. I thought they were just awful. Slapstick spoof comedy only works if it’s actually funny. These movies weren’t. I know that’s subjective, but it’s my opinion. I think I giggled a total of 4 or 5 times combined between the two of them. All the “jokes” seemed to be aimed at the level of teenage fart gags.

Now, having said that, I actually think Scary Movie 3 may actually have a shot at being decent for 2 reasons:

1) The trailers seem to suggest the humor in the film will go beyond fart/sex/pissing/crapping jokes (which is all the first 2 films were). It looks like they’re trying to expand the material, and that can do nothing but improve this horrible franchise.

2) This is the most important reason I think the film has a chance. THE WAYANS AREN’T IN CONTROL OF THIS ONE! MSN reports the following:

While star Anna Faris returns for the third film in the Scary Movie series, the power behind the camera has shifted from the Wayans brothers to one of the Zucker brothers. The Zucker in question is David Zucker, and he’s brought along his partner in movie-parody crime, Leslie Nielsen. This time around, aim is taken at such horror blockbusters as Signs and The Ring, while films of other genres

This film may very well suck when all is said and done, but I think it has a chance to end up as a decent comedy if it plays it’s cards right. I’ll put up the money and catch it.

Anyone who thinks that we in North America have it right, has never watched a movie in China, let me tell you.

In a move that I would boldly endorse, The Globe and Mail reports that when forced to sit through 10 minutes of commercials before their feature film “Hero” (a fantastic flick with Donnie Yen and Jet Li), attendees revolted and took the theatre to court. Citing a “breach of contract” because the film DIDN’T START WHEN ADVERTISED (ARE YOU LISTENING Mr. AMC?!?!?!) a 6 month court battle ensued.

Eventually the theatre was forced to apologize, although they didn’t have to return any of their (with currency, works out to be) 6 dollars US they spent on their ticket.

The words do not exist that would adequately express how much I wish that someone with clout would do this in North America. I whole-heartedly agree that a Movie-listing should be just that: the **MOVIE’S** LISTING. Anything else is just extra garbage that 1) I shouldn’t have to pay for and 2) someone running the theatre shouldn’t be getting incentives to do.

Mind you, none of this counts for trailers. I could watch those all day. I would move to China over this — well, until I got hungry.

Ok, I’m the biggest Star Wars fan in the world (Did you read that George?), but I just had to post this. From the good folks over at The Onion:

LOS ANGELES√¢‚Ǩ‚ÄùAmerica’s love affair with the J.R.R. Tolkien epic-fantasy saga Lord Of The Rings, a romance which has flowered ever since the 2001 release of the Fellowship Of The Ring film adaptation, has damaged the nation’s long-term relationship with George Lucas’ Star Wars saga, perhaps irreparably.

Above: Former Star Wars lovers Jim Cross and Peter Boehm get ready for the Two Towers premiere at a New York City theater. “When I first laid eyes on Star Wars, it was love at first sight,” said Los Angeles comic-book-store proprietor Michael Janus, 33, who was just 8 when he encountered the film. “For the rest of that summer of ‘77, my life was Star Wars.”

That love only deepened with the 1980 release of The Empire Strikes Back.

“Empire took things to the next level,” Janus said. “I loved Star Wars, but when Empire came out, things really started to get serious. That’s when I moved beyond toys and all the other kid stuff. Suddenly, there were conventions and fan clubs and books and collectibles.”

The sequel’s many attractive qualities, as well as Lucas’ promise of a new film every three years into the next century, cemented America’s commitment to the series, and Star Wars became a major part of its pop-cultural life.

For much of the nation, the first sign of trouble arose sometime around the relationship’s six-year mark, with the 1983 release of Return Of The Jedi.

“Jedi was when things first started getting a little weird,” said Eric DiCillo, 35, a Rockford, IL, graphic designer. “Like, Princess Leia turns out to be Luke’s sister? That really came out of left field. And Boba Fett, this cool, mysterious character whose role was so vital in Empire, suddenly dies in a stupid piece of comedy. For the first time, I felt like Lucas wasn’t taking me seriously.”

“I mean, I still loved Star Wars,” DiCillo continued. “Even at that point, there were plenty of good times between us. When Darth Vader pitched the Emperor into the abyss, well, let’s just say I’d never experienced a climax like that before. But I’d be lying if I said I was 100 percent happy.”

Unsure where the relationship was headed after Return Of The Jedi, the nation took time off from Star Wars, deciding to see other films during a “cooling off” period of 16 years.

“I know George needed to get his head together on where this whole Star Wars thing was going,” DiCillo said, “so it was for the best that we went our separate ways for a while. It felt like a betrayal, seeing other sci-fi movies, but I knew that if it was meant to be, we’d eventually find our way back to each other.”

Above: A once-cherished R2-D2 toy is reduced to propping open windows.
Even during the trial-separation period, Lucas’ evasiveness and erratic behavior threatened to derail the relationship.

“Somewhere along the way, the saga of nine movies mysteriously turned into six,” said Chris Cavanagh, 29, an Arlington, TX, insurance agent. “I remember, at one point, it was supposed to be 12. And I’m thinking, does Lucas have a long-term plan for us? I started out determined to see this relationship through to the end, but everything he did made me question it. I even started thinking he was just after my money.”

“Through it all, though,” Cavanagh continued, “I just kept telling myself, ‘He’ll change. He’s got something truly special planned for the prequels. This can work.’”

The nation’s hopes for a reconciliation were dashed in 1999, when, after a seemingly eternal wait, the disappointing Episode I√¢‚Ǩ‚ÄùThe Phantom Menace left the nation feeling hollow.

“By that point, the Star Wars films had lost their ability to move me,” Janus said. “After seeing Phantom Menace, I started reflecting on the earlier films, and I realized they just weren’t as deep and fulfilling as they’d seemed at the time. During that initial infatuation period, from ‘77 to ‘83, I guess I was too swept up in the magic of the whole thing to see that there were major problems.”

Read the whole article here

If you liked Bill Murray in Rushmore, you will love him in Lost in Translation. I think Bill will receive his first Oscar nomination for his work in this beautifully written and directed film by Sofia Coppola. If he doesn’t(and we all know how the academy treats ‘comedic’ actors), I’m sure there will be an outcry from the public.
Bill was Sophia’s only choice for the lead role, and it is obvious why. He makes this movie his own, and reminds us why he is one of the most-liked actor of all time. In fact, I think that if it was anyone else in this role, his co-star, Scarlett Johansson would have completely stolen the show. She is that good as well.
This is a movie I will see again and again for many reasons: great performances, honest dialogue, visually stunning, emotionally poignant, cleverly humorous, and thought provoking.
“Ring-a-ding ding”

Okay, I’m sick of this.

If you live in Toronto, and you like movies, you have a job to do, and you bloody well better do it or I’ll get really ticked and put on my bad face.

There is a cinema, a real one, that shows real movies, on real screens.. at 1990 prices.

This is not a Rep Cinema or a Dollar Cinema — It is an actual Cinema that shows NEW movies and thinks regular movie tickets prices are too high, and they have decided to to something about it. So you better get over there and support them. I’m not kidding, folks. Do it.

Rainbow Cinemas at Market Square has a SLEW of things going for it:
    - It’s right downtown Toronto off Yonge and Front.
   &nbsp - It shows brand new Hollywood shows and occasionally also bends a knee to local and domestic films that don’t have a huge run.
   &nbsp - IT’S O N L Y 7.50 PER SHOW!!!!!!!!!
   &nbsp - Which means on Tuesdays & Matinees, ADMISSION IS ONLY 4.25!!! NO KIDDING!!!!
   &nbsp - The whole cinema is Underground which means NO CELL PHONES WILL WORK , let alone ring and interrupt the movie.
   &nbsp - They don’t play pre-recorded movie-advertisment-laced radio music over their sound system.
   &nbsp - They sell candy you’re familiar with instead of weird “gummies” made by a promoted company you’ve never heard of.
   &nbsp - The walls are covered with local art instead of fluffy big nonsense that makes your movie ticket more expensive.

If you’re thinking “it’s probably that cheap because it sucks.” Folks it let me inform you, it DOESN’T. I don’t know if you know this or not, but your 13.50 or 14 dollar movie tickets are actually INFLATED and don’t need to be that high. - Yes, that might be hard for you to grasp, but when someone’s charging you 13.50 per ticket, they’re making LOTS of money off you.

Folks, I know I’ve mentioned this place in a previous post about a month ago, but I can’t stress this enough. Cinemas like this don’t exist anymore. And it’s such a welcoming breath of fresh air, it’ll make you think you’re dead. Please, Please PLEASE support this theatre and DON’T pay 14 bucks for a movie ticket, just 7.50. Go. Now. Click Here for their website and information.

UPDATE December 15th 2003:: the Spiderman 2 Teaser Trailer is online! Click Here for the Little Version!!or Click THIS for the Wonderful Hi-Res Quicktime Downloadable Version
**Update** November 25, 2003 — Sketchy reports say The Spiderman 2 Teaser will show in front of Lord Of The Rings: Return of the King.***

Now, if you’re anything like me, you’ll spend the rest of this article skipping my jibber-jabber and looking for the link so you too can watch the trailer to Spiderman 2.

I’ll tell you right now, there isn’t one. The trailer is no where. So far.

However, Ain’t It Cool has posted an entire breakdown of the trailer that is mostly comprised of raw footage. CGI still needs being done.

Wanna read about what’s in the trailer? It’s right here.

I know, I know, reading about it isn’t nearly as fun, but this is the best we can do so far.

Don’t forget, you heard it here 2nd.

I love John Cusack, I love Gene Hackman I love Dustin Hoffman and I love legal dramas. So Runaway Jury is an automatic home run right? Well, maybe yes and maybe no. The early reviews coming is are pretty good at this point, but we’ll see how the public reacts to it when it hits the screen on Friday. See a list of reviews for Runaway Jury here.

Slowly but surely, Jack Black is become our generations version of John Belushi… only with even more talent. Ever since I first saw him in High Fidelity I knew people would take notice of him. His new flick School of Rock has pretty much garnered universal praise from the critics community.

The Boston Globe: “If anything, ”School” is an Eddie Murphy kiddie-flick with a real and welcome bite. It also has a deep-dish appreciation for rock lore that should delight any dad who has ever tried to get his children to listen to ”Who’s Next” rather than the ”Lizzie McGuire” soundtrack.”

New York Post: “ALL hail Jack Black, who finally goes to the head of the class in “School of Rock,” a hip and consistently hilarious family comedy.”

USA Today: “In the wrong hands, this movie could be awful, but White’s script is sharp, and its director is Richard Linklater, deservedly revered for his first three early-’90s features: Slacker, Dazed and Confused and Before Sunrise.”

Los Angeles Daily News: “An inspired, invigorating comedy that will have you laughing from its opening moments to its closing credits.”

You Do???… In That Case….

GOOD      F***ING      LUCK

Since the list of locations and tickets for the Extended Viewings of the first two LOTR movies went on sale, tickets have become more scarce then my brushes with female intimacy. (By the way, the list of cities can be found here.)

And now, (at the time of writing being more than two MONTHS away) the only place to get tickets is where everybody is honest and and true: Ebay.

No, seriously, do an ebay search for “Lord Ring Tickets” or just click this and check out some of the massive numbers piling up. At the time of this writing, the tickets for the screening in San Fran have 27 bids, and is going for 355 bucks - US - And there’s STILL TWO AND A HALF DAYS left to bid!!!

And as it would seem, if you’re Canadian, you can just sit in the corner and chew on some onions - because we’re not on the location list at all.

Yes, believe it or not, Disney and I agree on something.

IMDB.com reports that the chief animator over at Disney says that the success of an animated movie “really depends on the filmmakers’ vision and story. The technique is a secondary consideration.” The “technique” in question being: “hand-drawn”, or computer animated. I couldn’t agree more. The issue was brought up because, for the first time, Disney is currently working on ZERO, that’s right ZERO Hand-drawn-animated movies. For the first time in decades.

Some people will say that’s because “consumer expectations are now driven by a new type of animation that has three dimensions” Jeffrey Logsdon, who’s an entertainment analyst says such things, as the imdb reports.

I disagree. Culture hasn’t “grown past” hand drawn stuff. Here’s my reasoning:
         1) Lion King sold 3 million DVD copies in two days, a new record. I don’t know about you, but that sounds like *somebody* still likes hand drawn stuff. Unless a billionaire is buying out all the copies himself and…
         2) The 3D animated movies that *are* being released are ACTUALLY, y’know.. GOOD!! Forget medium, when was the last time a solid hand-drawn animated blockbuster was released? (Besides Spirited Away, which Disney barely supported - don’t get me started) — Hand-Drawn stuff isn’t doing very well, because hardly anyone is giving me a reason to like it.

And, when it comes to Disney, especially as of late, the Hand-Drawn Stuff you’re making SUCKS. I’m sorry, but your glory days of: Alladin, Beauty and the Beast and Lion King TOWER over your recent years of: Emperor’s New Groove, Atlantis, and Treasure Planet, I mean c’mon. The only recent and incredibly decent hand-drawn animated movie I can think of isn’t even made by Disney — it’s Iron Giant, which was marketed so poorly by Warner Bros., it makes my head bleed.

If you draw it, they will watch. Don’t believe the weirdos that say “culture’s advancing into…blahblahblah”. A three year old doesn’t care what dimensions it’s in. Believe it when that three year old tosses a crappy movie 10 feet when you try to play it in the DVD player. Because then, oh weary one, you’ve got a bad movie.

Now go watch Iron Giant.

Superhero Movies rock my world. I love them. I am a big fan of comic books, cartoons, action figures and games that feature superheros. They make me giddy.

Know what else makes me giddy? Pixar. I haven’t been disappointed with a Pixar release yet. And now I get more torment to add to my waiting for Star Wars:Episode 3 and Indiana Jones 4. The Incredibles.

I saw a teaser preview about a month ago that shows this aging superhero trying desperately to buckle up the belt that no longer fits the girth bound within the red spandex wearing hero. I nearly fell off my chair. Pixar is to release The Incredibles November 5th… oh wait… in 2004 (jerks) The animated adventure is about a family of undercover superheroes who try to live the quiet suburban life but are forced into action to save the world.

The teaser nearly killed me. I am dying to see this. While I am waiting, I’ll have a salad…maybe some rice cakes.
Click HERE for behind the scenes tidbits!

Well, here’s everything you may care to know about the Indiana Jones DVDs in a few minutes or less..

Dvd’s will be available on October 21st. Pre-Order anywhere that has a life.
-The DVD trailer can be seen right here.
-Indiana Jones Part 4 is tenatively set for July 1st 2005 (this is as concrete as Bennifer’s wedding day).

The Bonus DVD Features seem to be so-so as of yet. What I can find so far is this:
(keep in mind, I don’t count “screen ratio” and “selection” and “menus” to be a feature)
- Original Trailers. neat. but no big deal
- 4 Little “Featurettes” on the Stunts, Lights, Sound and Music of the movies. I’ll watch ‘em. Once. Maybe twice.
- A Full Feature Documentary. Easily the coolest thing I’ve found so far for the Indy features.
**Now you gotta be careful with how they worded this..
      ”Fourth disc features 200 minutes of extras including never-before-seen footage from all three films“***
That would easily be mis-taken as 200 minutes of never-before-seen footage. But it could also mean “the Documentary and featurettes make up 200 minutes and they have moments of never-before-seen stuff.” — That’s a small change but could mean a big difference.

There’s some stuff in there for DVD-Roms, but no biggie. To Sum This Up, so far, I haven’t seen anyone say that there are any features (none that I can see so far anyway) like the following:
- Deleted Scenes - I love these, who doesn’t?
- Outtakes - Ibid
- COMMENTARIES - Okay, some people may find these boring, but I love them.
- Story board comparisons.
- “Pop-Up Video” type version of the film. The Back to the Future set has this feature and it’s incredible.
- Alternate scenes or endings.
— Perhaps some of these will be covered in the documentary.. we’ll hafta wait and see.

Despite rumours, Keira Knightley has not actually been contacted by anyone about being the next Bond Girl in 2005. — Which puts those ‘Jurassic Park 4′ rumours (which were very strong by the way) in doubt.

Now, writing this blurb does a few things: 1) It’s movie news and worth noting. 2) I get to select a Keira picture to use and 3) if I can figure out how to use the words ‘nude’ or ‘naked’ in the same entry, then the search engine hit results will go through the ceiling.

Pervs.

Joss Whedon has been an integral part of the TV universe for about the last 8 years. Who? Shame on you. Joss Whedon is the writer creator of 1992’s Buffy the Vampire Slayer on the big screen. He later revamped (sorry couldnt resist) the concept and Sarah Michelle Gellar stepped up to play the part of Buffy and picks up as a TV serial right after the events of the film.

Its no secret that I am what has become known as a “Whedonite” but somehow after the very successful Buffy and the spin off Angel, I overlooked his Space Opera called Firefly. I do know a few people who were HUGE fans of the show and before I got a chance to follow their advice, the show was cancelled.

Fear not Firefly fans! It would appear that Mr. Whedon has chosen to return to his big screen efforts and its going to be Firefly. Many of the actor’s in Firefly have resurfaced in other Whedon shows after its short lived run, and if Joss gets his way, that will be the cast of the feature film.

Also, this will mark Whedon’s directoral debut. As well many are quick to point out that Buffy was a film converted to TV and now he pulls a reversal with the TV series going to film.

Hollywood Reporter has more on this story

The World went into mourning today as everyone wondered what the hell happened to the other folks that post for The Movie Blog

Besides being a really cool alliteration, the Title of this post cannot be more true.

A happen-chance meeting in downtown Toronto yesterday, put me into the Invitation-Only Private screening of Scarface at the 20th Anniversary DVD Release Party put on by Universal Pictures today. And folks, it was one swanky party, let me tell you something, huh?.

Cigars flowed as free as the alcohol, take as much as you want. Ice statues and anything Scarface related adorned everything else. Red Carpet, Steven Bauer (who played Manny in the movie), his agent, the CEO of Universal it went on and on… and then… there was me - Taking it all in while trying to look as cool as possible, while also slamming back the most delicious salmon I’ve ever tasted in my life. Did I mention it was free? Cuz it was. Tv crews, media vans, producers, suits, cigar smoke, cleavage and anything you’d expect to find at a celebration of a movie dealing with drug cartels filled the halls and foyers.

Let me re-itterate the fact that there’s a lot of money flowing through Hollywood, and none of it is landing on me, except in the various Salmon-on-a-Stick form. Mind you, after chatting with Bob Feldman, Steven’s agent from L.A., one gets to get a bit giddy in hopes that maybe that’ll all turn around someday - cuz man, they are really nice people.

Simply must have these people plan my Christmas shin-dig. Very Good.

Well, by now you’ve heard that Matrix is being released all at once to a worldwide audience. Which, I think is a neat idea, but probably not neat enough to require all the planning it would take to pull it off. - Besides you can bet your butt that the owners of movie theatres are gonna watch it at 4 in the morning the day before anyway.

However, this squirily little punk is also being shown on the IMAX screens - in all of its 70 mm, crystal sharp picture, “I-have-to-puke-because-my-brain-thinks-I’m-flying-and-my-sensory-overload-is-making-my-floppy-parts-go-numb” glory.

“I’ve seen a Hollywood movie on an IMAX screen before, so what?” You say. Yes but you see, you silly, miscalculating fool, that was 35mm. — the 70 mm actually FILLS the entire 8 stories worth of screen. Your hair will melt, trust me.

70mm movies are usually reserved for boring things like school documentaries about the outer-wear of Eskimos, or really close-up shots of whale fins flapping in the air - Or anything at all that really doesn’t necessitate being presented to you in a screaming 40x larger than real life image. “Yes! Seal Sinue! — Sew, very old Esikmo woman, SEW!!!” Kick me stupid already.

Never before has an IMAX cinema been exploited in every angle by such an eye candy-type wonder as Revolutions. It’ll be more real than a root canal. Only Fun. And less smoke.

Well, sure we all know that cheesy horror movies suck by nature - However, we seem to have a winner with the “over-the-top-in-suckiness-o-meter”. The winner is House of the Dead.

The reviews are so untruthfully bad, it’s fun to research the reviews just so you can increase your vocabulary on synonyms for the words “Sucks Crap”:

Quint of “Ain’t it Cool News” review is right here:
It has golden quotes like:

         “He seems to really want to make movies, just not the one he was actually directing.”

         “The script is so terrible, the dialogue so self referential it’d make Kevin Williamson gasp in disbelief.
           I’m serious, the movie is so unenjoyable that it couldn’t have just been a f*ckup. They had
           to work at making it this bad.”

“Mr. Beaks” also of “Ain’t it Cool News”, breaks his own movie rules and says this: (his review can be found here.)

         “To classify these guys as “zombies” would be an insult to everyone from George Romero to Ed Wood.”

         “Frankly, life is too short; ergo, I broke my own personal reviewer’s code, and walked out. “

Folks, believe me, it takes a special film for someone more in love with films than I am to walk out on a movie. Granted, this is backfiring — now I want to see this for the sheer vomitorial response.

Well kids, I gotta admit, I’m disappointed with you. You and 2 million of your friends bought the 2 Fast 2 Furious DVD over the weekend ending monday.

Why? Dear Lordy, Why? Let me help you here. You are not a Thug. You are not a Machine. You and your friends would save a lot of money if you would just cut to the chase of “showing up your hood” if you would just compare penis measurements.

If there’s anything more fascinating than the amount of money a Rob Cohen flick can make, it’s the amount of money a SEQUEL to a Rob Cohen flick that even Rob Cohen wouldn’t direct, can make.

For shame.

Ok, I know what you are thinking. What’s a Nausicaa? Its only the best anime ever produced by Studio Ghibli, which Buena Vista (Disney) recently bought the North American Distribution rights for. Still not with me? Remember Princess Mononoke? Spirited Away? Castle in the Sky? Kiki’s Delivery Service? Yeah, THAT guy. He does awesome stuff. For the record, his name is Hayoa Miyazaki and he is considered to be the greatest of all Anime. Problem is, for us english speaking chumps most of his works were never translated. Now they are, and they are selling like crazy.

Way back in the 80’s there was a film called Warriors of the Wind which was his greatest achievement at the time, a true epic known as Nausicaa of the Valley of Wind. They butchered up an english translation and cut it down to 90 mins (over the 3 hour original) and this turned Miyazaki off from releasing other films to the english speaking market.

Now I have read the graphic novel series and I LOVED the english film. But there is a LOT of story missing. All things considered I figured they did a decent job with the film but Miyazaki doesn’t think so. This month the DVD release in Japanese only of the REAL Nausicaa film hits shelves. Considering Buena Vista’s lust for the mightly dollar, I don’t imagine it will be long before we see this dubbed in english for a North American release.

They call Warriors a mockery of the original and I thought it was pretty keen. I am all a jitter to see what it was supposed to be like!!! Keep your eyes out for it!!!

Yes, you read that right. It appears that the Farrelly brothers are going to be making a modern film version of the 3 Stooges. I’m not sure how I feel about this. The Stooges were more than just fictitious characters that any actor can play. The actors WERE the Three Stooges. If they’re making a story about the life of the Stooges that’s fine√¢‚Ǩ¬¶ but if they’re going to try to make a new version of the Stooges, then I think the project is doomed for disaster√¢‚Ǩ¬¶ even with the Farrelly brothers at the helm. Here’s the story:

Peter and Bobby Farrelly, the filmmaking duo behind the comedies Dumb & Dumber, There’s Something About Mary and Osmosis Jones, have been tapped to helm The Three Stooges for Warner Bros. According to Variety, the adventure pic will revolve around the Stooges characters originated by Moe Howard, Larry Fine and Jerome “Curly” Howard. The Farrelly siblings spent last winter and spring writing an updated script with Me, Myself and Irene scribe Mike Cerrone. The Three Stooges will provide Warners with a high-profile comedy-something that the studio hasn’t had in several years. The comedy is expected to start shooting early next year for a summer 2005 release.

I just thought I’d make this a post since I can actually talk about a film that won’t be released for another year or so.

Today I spent the day on the set of “Mean Girls” a what-looks-like a tweeny comedy directed by Mark Waters who directed Freaky Friday. I found myself darting in and around the lead ladies while they were prancing in front of the camera looking all floozied up.

Wanna know what’s fun? Darting in and around lead ladies while they prance in front of the camera looking all floozied up.

“Mean Girls” is 4 days into its two month schedule of shooting. It stars Lacey Chabert (from Party of 5 and who also turned 21 today and who’s also pictured over there.) Rachael McAdams from “The Hot Chick” and Lindsay Lohan from “Freaky Friday”. It also stars me. As “the guy who keeps walking around in all the shots in the mall.” Dina Spybey/Waters from “Six Feet Under” (who’s also wrapping up “The Haunted Mansion”) was there too, but she was just stopping by to say hi.

I have no idea what the movie is about or what kind of film it is, but it was crap loads of fun just hanging out with a truck load of other people, mingling with directors and actors who make SCADS more than I do and getting into shots and production stills with famous people.

Allow me to say this, if you ever need to convince yourself that the rest of the world is just ugly people, hang out on a movie set. I mean, YOWZA.

Oh yeah… And I got paid for it.